Soul Metabolism, Rage, Irritability & Emotional Alchemy

Your anger is not a character flaw, and your desire for more is not proof you are ungrateful. We are getting honest about the feelings women are trained to swallow, and we are turning them into fuel.

We unpack “soul metabolism” as the way you metabolise life beyond food: your desires, relationships, creativity, money, romance, rest and the invisible life force energy that tells you what is true for you. When your soul metabolises faster than your circumstances, dissatisfaction is not drama, it is data. We talk about why different nervous systems need different things, why comparison creates shame, and how “it should be enough” often keeps women stuck tolerating the bare minimum.

We also call out the places patriarchy hides in spirituality and personal development. “High vibes only” and law of attraction shortcuts can pressure you to bypass anger and grief, which conveniently stops you questioning what is unfair. The aim is not to act out from rage, but to contain it, listen to it, and channel it into boundaries, decisions and a clear direction. Think GPS: choose where you are headed, then put your time and energy behind it.

If this lands, hit follow, share it with a friend who is done settling, and leave a review so more women can find the work. What would you create if you trusted your feelings?

Want more from me? Head to KirstyDee.com
Facebook: Kirsty Dee 
IG @KirstyDeeShares

Transcript

Breaking Rules And Wanting More

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is the podcast for the women ready to break some rules, for the women who are fed up of pouring into everyone else and not getting what they want. This is where you discover what is true for you and you transform and alchemize the areas of your life that is not doing it for you. Welcome to Truth and Transformation. I'm your host, Kirsty D. Let's go. Hello, hello, hello, lovelies. Today I want to talk to you about soul metabolism and using all your feelings, all your emotions, whether it's rage, anger, irritation, anxiety, like whatever it is, whatever it is that you're feeling. I want to talk about using that to create what you want, to create the alchemy, to create the change, to like whatever it is that you're desiring more of wherever in your life you're not feeling satisfied, where you're not feeling content, where you're feeling like, oh, this isn't this this isn't it. Like there must be more. There must be more to life. The reason you feel like that is because, yes, absolutely. And as women, we are taught to settle and we're taught to put up and we're taught to like tolerate, but it doesn't like it doesn't serve anyone, it doesn't feel good. And then we end up feeling resentful and fed up and all of these things. And I want you to be able to use that. I want you to be able to use any areas where you feel fed up, any areas where you feel resentful, like all of that. I want you to be able to use it. So, first

What Soul Metabolism Actually Means

SPEAKER_00 1:25

of all, we've got to talk about soul metabolism because this is a really, really important piece of this. And I spoke about this a little bit on the first episode, on the episode, like overwhelmed, feeling not enough, feeling too much, was called something, something like that. So, like scroll back, I think three, and you will get to you will get to that episode. Let's dive into it. So, soul metabolism, as I say, I spoke about this a little bit on that episode, but what do I re what do I mean by that and how is it relevant to using your emotions and creating the change and stuff that you want? Soul metabolism is as we think about as like metabolism when we're eating food, but it's like all the things outside of food. So this is like your desires, this is like your relationships, this is like what lights you up, what makes you feel alive. This is what I call like your life force energy. It's the stuff that you know you you can't see. Well, you kind of can see, as in like you, you know, if you're an emotionally aware person, you can see when somebody is sad and all of that, and you can see when somebody's frustrated, and you can see when somebody's angry, but as in you can't actually see like the emotion itself, like singular. You could like nobody can be like, hey, this is what you know I mean, the the sadness looks like, like it looks different from person to person. So, in that way, like your life force energy is invisible, like nobody can see like what your desires are, but yet like it lives within you. Like a lot of these stuff, as I say, life force energy is pretty invisible unless you're somebody that is really, really attuned, and even if you're not, most people can see little bits, like we can see bits that like light somebody up and all of that, but you might can't see like all the behinds, you can't see all the details, you can't see all like so. You might be able to sense that you're sad or somebody else is sad or somebody's angry or they're irritated, but you might not know the the root of it, you might not know why, and also we don't always need to because then we can end up just like overintellectualizing everything, etc. etc. etc. But it's like that life force energy is speaking to you. So when I talk about soul metabolism, I am talking about everything that like we are metabolizing and digesting that isn't food, so this is like you know, like all like relationships and desires and other people's stuff and all of that, right? And everybody's metabolism on that is different. Some people can, you know, like handle a lot more rejection and a lot more like things being thrown at them than other people, not because they're weaker, not because they're less than, but because of their wiring and their nervous system, and like you know, they have a difference, like they might be more sensitive, and sensitivity like really, really gets to be a superpower, and also if we don't know how to work with it, it can really really take take us down. So there's that side of it, that is one side of it, but the other side of it is when we're talking about things like desire and stuff, we all have like a different thing of like what will make us content, and what we do is we judge and we shame ourselves and we judge and shame other people, sometimes not consciously, but but we do whenever like we sort of make out like somebody else is is wrong and it should be enough. We are unconsciously, often unintentionally shaming somebody and making out like there is something wrong with them when actually everyone just has a different soul metabolism. So I'm

Why Needs Differ Without Shame

SPEAKER_00 5:28

gonna put this hopefully into a perspective that will make more sense. So some people generally need more money, more material stuff, more love, etc. etc. etc. than other people do, right? Based on their wiring, based on their trauma, based on their conditioning. Like, and you know, so for one person to feel like contented, they need um to be able to express themselves more than than somebody else, right? They they metabolize that much, much, much faster. Their soul metabolizes it much, much, much faster. Gets somebody else, and they're like, I'm not really that bothered about being creatively expressive. Like I metabolise that thing really, really so, but they might be really bothered about um, you know, like love and you know, like romance and all of that, where somebody else is just like not really bothered, that doesn't really bother me, right? Because we're all different. One person might generally be really, really satisfied with a very, very simple, very, very simple life, and then somebody else does need to have more money, like because they metabolize that area of their life like faster, like what lights them up, what's good for their life force energy is different, and this is something I don't think we talk about enough, but then we judge ourselves and we judge other people. And as I spoke about on that first episode, yes, we have to be careful because there are people who get, get, get, get, get, and then they're never, never, ever happy. Um, and that is because, as I spoke about on that episode, they haven't actually learned to be with themselves, they haven't learned to sit with themselves, they haven't learned to like digest it. And I won't go into that much more because as I said, go back and listen to episode one. But we're all different in that way, and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. We need that, we need that diversity. We need people who are going to go out and you know, like create things and build things and like all of these things, and we need people who are going to live their lives very, very differently. Like, we need it all. This is how we create an ecosystem, this is how how we thrive. And when everybody is like, you know, in their bodies and metabolizing and stuff, then it doesn't become this over consumption. Overconsumption is a system of people not being supported and not digesting things, and we don't create a world and we don't create a dynamic where we honour people's life force energy and we honour people's soul metabolisms. We live in a in a society where we're very, very judgmental. And if we don't want something, we judge other people for like wanting that thing. We're like, Well, I don't need that to be satisfied, and we can kind of put ourselves on a pedestal and be like, Well, I'm not bothered about that, so like you shouldn't want that. And like, society loves particularly to tell women, well, you should just be grateful, even though her like soul is like this isn't enough, I want more. And what I really like to do is like get women to own what they want, and then will come a some grief with that of like, oh you know, when you finally admit that like you want more and it's not enough, there will be grief, and there will be all these emotions and stuff that come up, various different emotions.

How Anger Gets Silenced

SPEAKER_00 9:05

So, you know, grief, as I say, being one of them, anger might come up, rage might come up, frustration might come up, feeling irritable, feeling anxious, like these things will come up. And what we do in both spirituality and in patriarchy, and like um, and these things are linked. We very much push down and make emotions like anger and rage and frustration and feeling resentful, and um you know, like all of these things, or like you know, when we're feeling bad about ourselves and like all of that, we make these things bad and wrong because if we do that, then it again the system never has to kind of look up, like, hey, that that person's really, really struggling, and then nothing has to change. And what I've realized is that when we can use that and we can use all of our emotions and all of that, like we can channel it to kind of create what we want. Um, but society will just tell you, like, to just be more grateful and to just tolerate it, and we do this. This happens in spirituality, like emotions like um anger and stuff are seen as less than, and they're seen as something um like low vibrational, and you need to just get out of it. And we have to you have to realize like most of um spirituality is as I've spoken about on previous episodes, and I'm gonna keep talking about it every week, baked in patriarchy. Um, you know, like imagine telling somebody, you know, who is you know being really oppressed and like look at like all the genocide and stuff in the world, like, hey, you just need to be more high vibe and all of these things. No, it's used so that um we don't have to address systemic stuff. And so if you can make somebody feel like it's bad and then and it is wrong, and um again in the spirituality field baked in like law of attraction, which again, some teachings in there that I found really helpful and I found really good, and maybe I'll do an episode on that

Law Of Attraction And Patriarchy

SPEAKER_00 11:16

at some point. If there's any topics that you want me to cover, then go to the show notes of this episode, scroll to the bottom, and there is a thing to like text the show, or you can voice note the show with any topic requests, um, you know, and then I will go through them. But like, for instance, in like law of attraction and all of these things, it's like very much taught that you know, like certain emotions you need to get out of quicker, and you need to change your vibration, and you need to like change like all of these things, and if you focus on it, you'll attract more of it. And that is like a really genius way that patriarchy never has to look look at the stuff because you're so focused on changing your beliefs and changing your thoughts and changing all of these things. And I'm as I say, I'm not saying there's not a there's not a place for that work. There is definitely a place for that work, but it's so much more nuanced than that, and it's like, no, no, what we actually need is we need people and we need women, and the reason that I say women is because women have been taught to um like women have are like totally gaslighted on this, you know, they are taught things of like around tolerance and all of that, and one of the best reclamations women can do is really own their anger and be with it and and and channel that. And that is like really, really important because you know we see all the time like men are allowed to to be angry, you know, like they they're often forgiven for like punching walls and fucking doing all sorts and you know still end up in positions of power. I mean, look at fucking Trump. Like we are not that graceful on women, and we are not that graceful on ourselves. And one of the biggest reclamations we can get is like using all that anger and and and like channeling it. And but like anything, like if a woman feels like resentful, if she feels pissed off, if she feels grief, we're gonna make out like that that's the problem rather than like come on, let like this is this is intelligence, this is telling you something. Like, work with this, like work with where you feel resentful, work with where you feel envious, work with where you feel frustrated, work with where you feel pissed. Like, we don't need you to squash that, they want you to squash that, but again, if we say that you're called as like, you know, being a victim and like all of these things, and like get yourself out of that, and again, there's a place to look at your stuff and when you kind of it doesn't serve you to keep carrying something, right? Again, this is a nuanced conversation, but also that's a way to deflect from there's an actual problem, there's an actual issue. I'll give you an example. I

The Instagram Comment That Proved It

SPEAKER_00 14:12

put a reel up this morning on Instagram, right? The first comment was somebody basically commented. I'd basically done this reel. It was uh some clips from the very first episode and the second episode, right? And I'd mashed the two clips together and I was talking about how women have been taught to like, you know, conditioned to see this, like, for instance, like this man is a good man, even though he's actually just like doing bare minimum, like he's kind, he's fearful, like all of these things where women are just expected to be that, otherwise they're bad. And then I had a clip of like statistically, we know women do worse in marriage. First comment was instead of sort of addressing that and kind of going, huh, why have we got so many women um filing for divorce and like you know, really unhappy and like struggling so much, you know, instead of like addressing what I was actually saying around how women end up worse off and how they end up often behind in their careers, struggling financially, more stress and more overwhelmed, right? Instead of addressing that, they basically was like, well, um, women should just like stay away and like not um like marry men and they shouldn't have kids and all of that, right? And this is what we do, because this is how we shut women down, like blame her, make her the problem, make like she chose wrong, which again spoke about in these episodes, and that's the irony, because that's where the clip was taken from, rather than be like, ha, we're gonna actually listen. And here's the funny thing, but then they'll complain about the male loneliness epidemic, which is a cause of misogyny, it's a cause of patriarchy. Because instead of these people going, huh, why are all these women wanting to get divorced and all of this, we go well, we'll just make out like she she she's the problem. So other people aren't going to listen, and if you talk about it, they're gonna make out like you're the problem, but you have to keep going, you have to channel it anyway, right? Because this is when you're working at like a real deep systemic level, right? You can't change all the things and all the systems

Your Hunger Is Holy

SPEAKER_00 16:38

and the world, but you can start with your own stuff, you can start by honoring your own stuff, you can start by honoring your own life force energy, your own metabolism, your own soul metabolism. That even when the world tells you it should be enough, you can be like, Well, maybe babes, it is for you, it's not for me. I want fucking more. Like, be unapologetic about that. Like, I am somebody that I'm always like, yeah, I want more. And I really, really believe that the the feminine and and women, and I'm gonna say women, um, are really, really designed to like create more, right? And I'm not saying men aren't uh as well, but here's the thing: this is this is where it's fucking nuanced, right? Men are allowed to want more. Men are allowed to want more, right? And I think women want more just as much. Why do I think that? Because I speak to enough women and I can see they're not satisfied, right? They want more, but women are taught to just be fucking grateful. And it's like this is bullshit. This is bullshit. Like, allow yourself to want more, and what they teach you is this this scarcity, this, this, this fear that if you keep chasing, then you'll never be happy, and you can get the thing and not be happy. Yeah, that's true, but not because you wanting more is the problem. That's not the issue. It's that we've never learned to be in our bodies and know what is enough for us, and like know what actually keeps us content, and then there isn't a system in place to actually help people get their needs and desires met. So instead they'll tell you, just don't have needs, just don't have desires, just don't want. They make the wanting bad. You know, think of like um the seven deadly sins, right? But they actually don't care about that. They don't actually care about greed and like all of these things, because again, look at the people who are in charge. No, they're allowed to do that and they're allowed to want it, but as a woman, you're not allowed. You know, like your hunger and stuff will be seen as bad. But hunger, and I I say this to people all the time, and I'm gonna keep repeating this: your hunger is not bad. Your hunger is fucking holy, right? You would not survive without your hunger. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. They the shit that happens in the world where people hurt people is due to systemic stuff, it's due to trauma, it's due to a lack of metabolizing, and it's due to so many people having unmet needs, right? And this goes both ways, right? So there's people who have actual unmet needs, like they can't afford to put a roof over their head and and all of these things, and society will blame them and be like, well, etc. etc. etc. Right. So there's that, but then there's also what I call your soul needs and your soul metabolism, where we see people all the fucking time that they have all of these things and they're just not a nice person, and they will screw anyone over to get what they want, and they want to keep themselves at the top and they want to keep you down, right? Now, it's not our work to for them to to help them with their trauma, like they've got to choose to do that. And here's the thing, they're not going to. They're not going to. So the only thing that we're actually in control of is are we going to work and channel our stuff? Are we going to create the the alchemy there? Because the truth is they don't they don't care. They want you to not channel it, they want you to um feel like you're a bad person for wanting more. They want you to feel like somehow you're ungrateful, but you're not. Two things can be true. You can be so grateful for everything that you have got and desire more. Like both of those things can be true. And I know it's uncomfortable because a grief does come up. Like the work that I do with people isn't comfortable. It isn't for people who want to be comfortable. It's not. It isn't for people who just want things to stay the same as as they are. No, my work is going to require you to be honest with yourself and be like, I do want more. And there might be some grief there that comes up. There might be some sadness, there might be some rage, like that there might be all of these things. But it's like, even if you're not honest with yourself, it's still there. It is still there. And when you can use all that and you can get really honest with yourself and you can sit with that and you can be with that, what happens is you start building the relationship with yourself, you start trusting yourself and to start coming through. Does it happen overnight? No, alchemy takes a minute. Transformation of changing your life takes a minute. And like, I will never promise you that like it's just this like da da da da da da. No, it's it's work. It doesn't happen overnight. Hence why I've now started like offering like long term mentorship containers, right? Yes, I do my one-to-one one-off alchemy sessions. And like I recommend those if you've never worked for me to, but it's like if you really want to change your life, like it's it's going to take time and it's gonna take doing some of the ugly, unsexy work. It's gonna take like being honest with yourself and being with those like hard, uncomfortable emotions, and it's going to take some acceptance of like that radical truth with yourself, fucking truth and transformation. This podcast of like, do you desire more? And if you do, you have to stop like pretending that you don't, you don't have to tell anybody else that you want more, but you have to own it with yourself, and then you have to be willing to look at that and to do something about it because systemically, like things aren't going to change where you're just magically going to get that. And this isn't, I want to be clear, this isn't about chasing this elusive happiness. Nobody is happy all the time, like nobody is, you're not meant to be. Like that is something that society loves to sell. And yes, I also want you to be, you know, happier overall. Like, I want you to have a life that you can be happy with, and also there's gonna be things that you're not gonna be happy with. Like, there's things in my life that I'm currently not happy with. You know what I'm doing about it? I'm looking at it, I'm like facing it. Um, there's things systemically that I'm really unhappy with and really, really pissed about. Hence relaunching this podcast because I'm channeling it, because I know what I care about and I know my vision, and this is what it really comes down to. It's

Set Your GPS With Desire

SPEAKER_00 23:50

like we're not just aiming mindlessly, we're not just going through life like aimlessly. No, it's like feel all of those things because there's wisdom in that and it tells you about what you want and what you desire. And when you know where you're going and you know the navigation point, you can start directing your time, your energy, your decisions towards that thing. Like one of the very first teachings that um I did was like it's this album, it's like called Come Home, Come Home to You. I created this album, right? Back in 2019. You can still buy it for now. I don't know if I'm gonna keep it up forever. But it was like one of the teachings that I that I like did on that was basically like you have to set the GPS of where you want to go, right? And I use this analogy, like say, like, you know, you're taking a flight, right? And but like you never ever head, like the pilot never ever heads to to the country that you want to go to. Like you'll never get to that country, like you have to put it in. And like if you never actually head to that direction, you will never ever get there. And this is why it matters to be, you know, really working on the relationship with yourself, not because you're broken, not because you need fixing, not because there's anything wrong with you, like none of those things, not because you even particularly need quote-unquote healing, but because you have a unique life force energy in you. Like you are not here to be anybody else, you're here to live true to you, and that has been weaponized as well. Like, people are like, oh, well, I'm just living true to me, I'm just like being authentic to me. And as I say, then they're hurting other people, but that is because, as I say, they're not um digesting because people who are digesting don't need to like go around and keep hurting people, they just don't. Happy people aren't doing that, right? They're not. People who are chasing happiness are, who won't sit with grief, who won't sit with their rage, but instead act out from it. There's a big difference. There's a big difference from somebody acting out from anxiety and frustration and anger and rage versus somebody who is sitting with it, who is directing it, who is containing it, and then going, This is what I want, and I'm gonna head that way. I'm gonna head that way. As I say, putting the GPS in, like if you want to go, as I say, if you were taking a flight, like the pilot would have to actually go to that country, or you couldn't end up there, right? It's the same with your life. People are gonna tell you what you should want and what you should like and what should be enough for you, right? And the truth is it's it's it's bullshit because you have a unique path that nobody else is going to have, have the same one. Nobody is gonna have the same one as you. What is abundance for one person would leave somebody else feeling starved. And the same is something that it will be so abundant for you, and you'll be so satisfied and you'll be so contented with. You could judge somebody else, and it's not enough for the other person, right? Genuinely not enough, right? Genuinely, their their soul craves something else, something different. And if you tell that person it should be enough, you make them feel like there is something wrong with them. Like, and that is what's messed up. That is what's messed up. Like, we need all of it, but we also do need to not just be chasing things outside of us, not just giving our power away, not just like, okay, well, I just need to find the person, or I just need to make this amount of money, or I just need this, or I just need that, because it is true, then you can just keep chasing, right? And also you do need a baseline, like where your needs need to be met. Like, you know, if right now, like you're struggling to pay bills and you're struggling to do this, that, and the other, then you have to face those things, you know, and that might bring up some anxiety and some fears. Okay, so you need to channel that. You need to channel that. That isn't something to just to try and get away from. That's not allowing yourself to be human. Like, I get anxious, I get fearful, I get scared, I get I get angry, I get frustrated, I get irritated, like all the fucking time. Like I am a very like feeling, feral, unhinged, like I I I have it all. I'm not this um like like none of us are, but some of us hide it better than others. I don't think I'm great at hiding it. Like I I just I just can't, I just can't do it. Like my husband always laughs at me, like, because if somebody does something, and um, you know, uh you're supposed to pretend like you know, the polite thing is to pretend you're okay, you know. And like Tony's like, I can I can see it, like I can see it all over your face. Like, even if you're trying to like, it's like I'm just not good at it. I'm not good at it. Like, I am just like, there's going to be a point where and I've realized this is actually a superpower of mine, right? It it can be difficult at times, but it's also I think because when other people can just tolerate and just tolerate and just tolerate, you know what I realize? My temper and my lack of tolerant being able to tolerate it is actually the thing that's got me out of like so many shit situations because so many people push it down, push it down, push it down, push it down. And I am really crap at pushing things down. Like, you know, and and we teach, you know, like on emotional regulation and blah, blah, blah, and like all of these things. And that again has been weaponized. Again, there is a real place for emotional regulation work, there is an absolute space for that, right? But a lot of these things have been weaponized of just trying to teach women like just become, just, just, just, just push it down, just like, no, you're supposed to be mad at times, you're supposed to be irritated at times, you're supposed to be resentful around systems that are harming you. Why? Because then you can channel it to create a change in your life. Nobody who created change did it because they were happy and joyful and like, woohoo, this is amazing. Like, nobody, like, we did not get the rights that we have because people were like, this is great. This is great. No, they were pissed, they were resentful, they were angry, they were irritated. All the things that they teach you that in the spiritual field is less low vibrational, but you know what it actually is energy, power, energy and motion. That if you work with and you channel, and it's gonna be uncomfortable. So many of us are terrified of our anger. We don't trust it. Why? We have good reason not to trust it, right? Because we will have acted from anger at points, right? That is where emotional regulation work is good, right? We've seen somebody else act from anger. They've said something, they've done something, maybe we've been on the receiving end of it, and maybe we've been hurt. Maybe we've said harsh words to people when we've been pissed, things that we regret, right? So, yes, there's there's a place for that work, but the the thing isn't just to try to get over it. No, no, it's to use it, it's to see the intelligence in it. Use your resentment, use the part of you that feels spiteful and like fucked off and like what the fuck? Right? Women need to get more entitled, right? We need to get more entitled because women are taught to just be grateful, right? A lot of the issues we have in the world is because of entitled people at the top thinking it's okay to do certain things, and then we've got people who don't feel entitled to want more. They feel like, as I said, because this is trained in women, that they should just be grateful and all that. Like, gratitude is so fucking important, but you can hold both. If you were um, I don't know, being a douchebag to people and just you know expected things from people, even though it was like harming them and even though if it wasn't good for them and you were just ignoring all their boundaries, then yeah, we would need to have a talk about entitlement, right? But a lot of the the conversation we actually need to have is actually teaching women, no, like you do deserve more, like absolutely expect more. But again, what do we often get taught in this field? Like expectations will um like will will be the the the death of you, right? Who teaches that? Often men teach that. Why because they benefit from teaching women that they're expecting too much, rather than kind of going, maybe we need to rise up, maybe we need to actually do better. No, teach women to lower their standards versus teach men to to rise up. Like it is bullshit. As I say, you know, like if you were being an arsehole and you weren't being kind, that's like a different conversation. But here's what I know about most people who listen to this podcast, they do give a shit. And they don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, and they're actually scared of having an impact, they're actually scared of offending somebody, like they're frightened of that. And

Perfectionism Inner Critic And Audacity

SPEAKER_00 33:35

like I get this. This is something like I get scared of making an impact. And that might surprise people, but I do. I get scared of getting it wrong, I get scared of saying the wrong thing, I get scared of like messing it up. Like, like I do. And I when I have realized I've messed something up, I've got something wrong, I give myself a really hard time about it, and I'm like, I'm I find it really hard to give myself grace. Why? Because it's trained in me to um protect myself by being perfectionistic, by trying never to make any mistakes, because you know, like it does become a protective thing because it's like, well, if I can just be perfect and just get everything right, then nobody can criticize me and nobody can do this. But we all know that's bullshit, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. All it does is cause you to never go for anything and never do anything. So my work has been like catch it when I'm being overly harsh on myself, give myself permission to make um mistakes, know that some people are going to give me no grace when when I do, and work on giving myself grace, and also if if I mess up and I will mess up at times, like yeah, I can be accountable, and I can be accountable because I've worked on a relationship with myself where like I don't make it mean anything bad about me, and also sometimes the intrusive thoughts in my head do tell me that, and then I have to work and I have to do the alchemy on that. Like, I have to do that work too. I've spoken about this so many times, but I used to just have a really, really harsh, horrendous inner critic, and I still now have an inner critic. Like, I don't know a person who doesn't, and I actually don't think having an inner critic is a bad thing, right? I think none of us are above criticism, right? It's very problematic when we think we can never be wrong, right? But there is a difference between going, ha, this I might have messed up a bit, this I might not have done very well, versus you are a bad, horrible person. Like that that's different. There's a difference between, you know, this very tyrant like bully inside of you and the ability to be um self-critical and kind of go, okay, that wasn't my best thing, and okay, I'm gonna look at that and I'm gonna be with that, and I'm I'm not gonna do that again, right? We need more people to fucking do that. The world would change if more people went. You're right. I did screw up, I did get this wrong. Like I I screw up all the fucking time. I get it wrong all the time. One of the things that is scary about doing this podcast is I'm gonna fucking screw up at times. I'm gonna say something that's not quite right. It is really, really fucking scary, right? But here's what I know we've got like the manosphere out there on podcasts, and they don't give a shit and they are not shutting the fuck up. So I have to have the audacity to show up, and I have to, and like I'm gonna get pulled down for it at times, and people are gonna call me out on my stuff, and it's really, really fucking scary. It's really, really fucking scary. But it's like then I use like like my anger and the the all the stuff that I care about, and I channel that as like energy to keep me going to be like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna still do it. Like I'm still gonna do it because I

Care Without Burnout Closing

SPEAKER_00 37:16

care about this, and also I have to have systems and I have to have things in place. I have to be connected to myself to make sure that I don't burn out because I can very easily, like, I'm very susceptible to burning out because when I care about something, I really go, I go all in, and um I don't have like a huge big support system. Like anybody who knows me knows that I don't have family where I live. And you know, like it's me and my husband raising our kids, and like we don't have a lot of support. We don't have much support. So I have to be taking care of myself. And this is the thing. It's like we have to be taking care of ourselves, and also no amount of self-care is like going to stop systemic shit. And I and I so I hate it when people are like, oh, you know, just do this, just do that. It's like, no, no, no, you you have to be willing to sit with yourself, you have to be willing to look at the the ugliness, the hard bits, whether in your own personal life or collectively. And no, you can't do it all. Like you you can't do it all. But like, what is the thing that you really care about? Like, channel that to make a difference, whether in your own life or collectively, but you have to start with your own life, right? Because you'll burn out if you try and focus on the world's problems. Like, the best and most kindest thing you can do is like focus on on your stuff and then you know, do your bit in society to support the people that you love and and care about and that and the causes that you care about. Like, if we all did that, we'd create such an ecosystem where we could all thrive, and that is what I care about, and that is what I want. And so that is where I I channel, like I channel my energy, and I have a a soul metabolism need to do that. Like I am like born, I think, purposely with this, this, this feistiness in me, because the universe wants me to use it. Like it wants me to use that fire, it wants me to use that life force. But you know what I know? You also have a fire within you, and maybe it's been um like over time, like it's been like it's not ignited anymore. And it's like, so we have to pay attention to what ignites it for us. And like so often when I I see people and they like apathetic and all of these things, right? That is suppressed anger. They don't even realize it's it's anger. And it's like it comes back when you start setting with that. Like, if you have got no energy and no motivation, you have not been fully supported in your life, like you haven't, and there's a grief that comes with that, but then we have to start being with ourselves, and as I say, like that relationship with ourselves and being tender with ourselves and being kind to ourselves, like that matters, it matters. I could talk about this for days and days and days, but I feel like that's enough for you to sit with, for you to metabolize with. So go and do that. Do that this week. I will be back next Monday with another podcast episode. I will talk to you then.