Alchemy, Ritual, Witchcraft & Healing My PTSD

You’ve been warned off spells, rituals, and witchcraft your whole life and not always subtly. So what happens when we stop treating “woo-woo” like a guilty secret and start seeing it as a tool for self-trust, healing, and power? I’m going there, properly. I talk about alchemy as intentional time with yourself: not a rigid rulebook, not perfect ingredients, and definitely not outsourcing your power to anyone else.

I share how I used to be genuinely frightened of anything labelled “spell work”, and why that fear wasn’t just cultural conditioning it was rooted in childhood trauma and paranormal experiences. I also speak openly about the pain of not being believed, and how that kind of dismissal can keep us locked in fear. From that perspective, rituals aren’t about performance. They’re about nervous system honesty, intuition, boundaries, and finally giving yourself space to process what life has put on you and how this work helped me to heal from PTSD.

We also get into the witch wound, why reclaiming “witch” can feel political, and why “love and light” spirituality doesn’t serve women who need protection, justice, and discernment. I tell the 2021 story where a simple but fierce ritual coincided with a rapid shift after a long period of feeling stuck and nothing working. Plus how owning what you want can change your standards in your home, your relationships, and your whole sense of self.

If you’re searching for modern witchcraft for women, healing rituals, intuition-led spirituality, shadow work, manifestation alternatives, and grounded spell work, press play. Subscribe, share this with a woman who needs her power back, and leave a review so more people can find Truth and Transformation.

To work with me, find out more or to book onto Pink Alchemy go to KirstyDee.com

Transcript

Welcome To Truth And Transformation

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is the podcast for the women ready to break some rules, for the women who are fed up of pouring into everyone else and not getting what they want. This is where you discover what is true for you and you transform and alchemize the areas of your life that is not doing it for you. Welcome to Truth and Transformation. I'm your host, Kirsty D. Let's go.

Reclaiming Ritual Without Rules

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hello, hello, hello, lovelies. Today I want to talk to you about alchemy spells, rituals, witchcraft, all the stuff that's often called woo-woo, that is actually really good for women. The stuff that, you know, they'll call working with the devil. Of course they do, because anything that is good for women, they want you to stay away from. So as always, we're gonna break the rules here. Um, we're gonna talk about these things and how they can help us and how they can deplay servos. And I'm gonna talk about my journey with all of this and how it was one of the best things that I've ever done, and it really helped me to like just overcome um traumas and stuff from my past. And I'm gonna dig into why, how, how, how it helped, and how it helped me to trust myself and to like build confidence. And oh, there's a reason that I that I love all of this stuff so so so much, and of course, like anything, it can be taught in a way that is problematic, in a way that is you outsourcing your power. So, I want to talk about that. So, I'm gonna take you back to 2021, when that is when I did my very first, very first spell. And it it is something that had like my intuition led me to, it's something that kept coming up. I kept hearing women and people talking about like reclaiming the word witch and doing spells and doing all of these things. Up until that point, I would have stood away from stuff like that. I too thought it was something dodgy, it was something that I was frightened of, it was something that I thought was like yeah, something to fear. I thought it was something scary, I thought it was something that's that it basically wasn't. I had that conditioning too, and I also had a reason to be really, really terrified based on my childhood. And I'm gonna talk about that in in this episode because it's really, really, really relevant. Um, but actually, when I came to realize to me what witchcraft is, it is about honouring the earth, it is about honouring your cynical nature, it is about crafting a literal path that is aligned for for you. For me, there's also like a political element to it that we know lots and lots and lots of predominantly women, um, but you know, men too, but predominantly women, were like tortured, murdered, killed, and all of these things. And so to me, the reclamation of using the word witch, for me, as I say, it is somebody that's listening to their own intuition that is following um moon cycles or whatever it is, and to me, what ritual does is it kind of it gives you a it basically you're carving out time to um on yourself and to see what's coming up and to listen to your intuition. To me, a ritual is something that also you might um you may or may not, but you might practice, like you might have certain things that you do again and again and again, um, something that that you repeat. Um, you know, so it might be like this is kind of the thing that I do on the full moon, or this is the thing that I do um on Bell Tane or or whatever it is. I don't personally have anything that there's there's no like specific things that I like I must do this and I'm and and I must do that because to me that is like I'm just not interested. Like that that's you know, like if if that works for you, but that doesn't feel good for me. For me, that's very like kind of the religious dogmatic stuff, which is all everything that I cannot like I'm just just not into. But that being said, like I will um like there are astrological dates and stuff that I really really love to honour because to me it is like just honouring the seasons, it's honouring the earth, but like if if if it doesn't happen because life is lifing, then that's also absolutely fine. Like, there's no set rules to me. That is what witchcraft is. It's like as I say, crafting your own path, and I just think doing ritual work is so um, I think it's like just really beautiful and really healing and really nourishing for anybody, but I think particularly for women, because we have been taught to just not trust our intuition and to not trust our instincts and to not take time for ourselves. We've been taught to porn to everybody else. And what a spell is for me, it is a spell is unique, it will generally never be the same each time, and it is basically carving out a time to specifically do something in that time. So whether it's like I want, like I'm I'm setting an intention, like this is what I'm putting out to the universe. Um, you know, like you could call it a form of manifestation. Um but for me, like manifestation is less ritually than what a spell usually is, although you can do spells really, really sort of very, very simple, sometimes like with no no ingredients. Um, but I just feel like um I I don't know, I just feel like a spell is more powerful, it is more it's more than just like a gratitude list, basically, which I often find like manifestation is like a gratitude list and and visualize and like all of that, I feel like a spell is more symbolic, more I don't know, it's just like I found a lot of the um manifestation techniques and stuff that we are taught and stuff didn't really do anything. But when I do like spells and when I do like alchemy and stuff, like things would really, really shift. Because what happens for me personally when um I take the time to, you know, create like a container, create this like intentional time, I just find that like something shifts in that because I am not following, as I say, this like it is, this is how you manifest and this is how you do this. To me, a spell is something that nobody can like really fully teach you, like they can teach you bits. Like, if anybody did my alchemy academy, you'll know that I like like kind of give like a framework, but the big thing that I teach is like you trusting trusting yourself because it actually doesn't matter too much what you do, it it really doesn't matter too much what you do, it is about the intention, it is about basically literally crafting a time where you're going to be with yourself, where you're going to sit with yourself, where you're gonna see what's coming up, where you're going to listen to yourself. You might bring in ingredients and you might work with stuff, and all of this is about you connecting deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, but it's not actually like the Pacific ingredients don't matter too much, and I know that might be a little bit controversial, but like I have done some like really really incredible spell work that has really really shifted things purely by either using no ingredients or ingredients that I already had in my house because it's not the the like the power is from you, is basically what what I'm saying, and what I find is when we do this, this isn't like I really believe we should be claiming like the word woo and the word woo-woo, um, but it's actually not as woo-woo as as it sounds. It's like those things create changes and those things create shifts because from getting that amount of clarity and connecting with yourself when you've been taught to be dissociated from yourself and to not listen to yourself and to not trust yourself. What I find is what happens is like aha's clarity and stuff comes through, like you know what to do, like your energy

Fear, Conditioning, And A Haunted Childhood

SPEAKER_00 8:55

shifts sometimes straight away, sometimes not. And it's like the analogy that I always give to people, I like I will say this again and again and again. It's like when you walk into a room and you pick up on an um an atmosphere, you pick up on something, right? What I find is what a spell does is like it it changes things, like it literally changes things, and this is not messing with anybody's free will or anything like that. It is like literally cliche as it sounds, it's like finally coming home to you, and the amount of times like I've done something like that, and this is gonna sound like too good to be true, but I'm gonna say it because this has been my experience, and I don't make any promises that this will that this will happen, but the amount of times that I've done something like that, and like circumstances and things that I have not liked have changed, and it it is like I don't know, like I have shifted my energy, and something has shifted now. As I said, I don't promise that, like nobody can ever guarantee that, but I just feel like making time for yourself, like you're never going to lose from that. You're never going to lose from that. So, no, you are not like calling in like bad energies, you're not like and unless you are literally sitting there doing that kind of thing, right? Which most people aren't, like to me, this is no more, um, like there's literally no risk in it. There's there's risks not doing this work because and what I mean by that is our lives and things don't shift when we don't acknowledge what's coming up. So I don't mean as in those risks as anything bad is going to happen to you. Like, I don't wanna like let's not fear monger people, but it's like so many people are struggling, and so many people don't trust themselves, and I really believe this is why these things are condemned, and this is why these things were like taught to be as as that there's something that they're not, um, so that people can keep being exploited, and I just like I'm just sick of that. I'm sick of that, and of course, there are rituals and there are you know spells and stuff that are you know specific to different cultures and all of that, and if you're following those things, just make sure you kind of like honour, you know, where you've learned that technique and and stuff from. But to me, it's like this is just about intention, this is about just carving some time for yourself. This is why um me and my friend Hannah, we started um Pink Alchemy, which is an event that we do in Dorset, and like we come together, and you know, we we do oral cards and we do ritual and we do all these things and we just connect and insist on because it's just so bloody good for us, and it's like the the time is already carved out for you. And if you are somebody that feels like, oh my gosh, I actually don't know what to do, then you know, I'm there, Hannah's there, and and all of that, but I really just feel like this is something that anybody can do, and I just like as I say, like you're not going to lose anything from from doing it, and you might be like, I don't really know what I'm doing, like I feel a bit silly, like, is this like work? And and the point I think for me is like it's actually not about getting an outcome, it is about coming home to yourself, and I always feel like that sounds like really, really lofty, but that to me is what alchemy is. It is about like I am worthy of like being with myself, and what I find is what happens when you're like doing these things and you're doing like spells and you're doing rituals and you're doing all of that, like things get processed, um, and it like connects you to like your inner child and that part of you that just needs to be and the part of you that needs to play, you know. Like if you ever as a child like collect sticks and stones and like made portions and all of that, right? It connects you with that side of yourself, it connects you with your creativity, like, and for me, what happens when you do that, like things that have been stirring up in you, they get they get seen. And I just feel like the power of that is not to be underestimated, and as I said, I can't promise that you know circumstances and stuff in your life and stuff will change, but I do really believe that um it it absolutely does help, and I have absolutely saw that, you know, in myself time and time again, where I've been like, holy fuck. Um, where I've been like, oh my gosh, this this is there this this this that this is a thing, there is something in this woo-woo shit. Um there is there's something there's something in it. Now I was really, really scared of anything, anything like this. Like if somebody had said to me the word spell once over, I'd have been like, oh my gosh, what are they up to? Like, what are they doing? And I had a real reason to think this and to believe this, and as I said, you know, from my childhood, right? So I'm gonna talk about my childhood, and this is something that I really just knew on this series was really, really important for me to talk about, and it's something to be honest, I feel a little bit um insecure, maybe about talking about. Um, I don't know if it's insecurity, but there is definitely there's definitely a part that feels a little bit raw and it feels a little bit vulnerable. But I talk about like trusting yourself and following your intuition, and I just felt like on this series I needed to talk about this because it really, really changed something like on a real deep fundamental level for me, and it heals something on a really deep fundamental level for me. So in my childhood, I went through you know various different traumas, like lots of us do. But one of the traumas that I went through that um I like one of the hardest things about when you've been through trauma is not being believed. And it's one of the reasons that I find it hard to talk about this because I know some people won't believe me, and um that that is really, really, really, really hard. And but I realised I I need to talk about this for the people that they're like, oh gosh, like I I've had that experience, or maybe I haven't had that experience, but like I just I just yeah, like I I just I just know um I feel like because this is something that we don't really talk about, and I'm like so I'm just talking to them, and if people think I'm mad or whatever, like oh I just there's there's nothing I can't I can't control that. So when I was a child, as I say, various different um traumas and all of that, but the the hardest trauma, the trauma that was the most difficult to to to get over, that really um was debilitating for really, really, really, really long time. And it would come up again and again and again, but I didn't know that that's what it was. I didn't know that's why I had so much fear. I mean, I guess I did, but like also like not really, like it would play out in ways that I didn't really didn't really realize. And that is is the trauma of experiencing paranormal um trauma as a child. So when I was a child, like our home was literally haunted. So when somebody said to me like what witchcraft and spells, I was like, fuck no. Shit the bed, no fucking way. That like no. No. Little did I know it was actually going to be the thing that would take my power back and heal me from those experiences because I was just scared, like all the time. I was really scared that you know, if I wasn't quote unquote good, and you know, like I didn't please people, and all of that, and if somebody was mad at me, like something bad would happen to me, and that I would never be able to get a win and never be able to escape because even if I died, like these spirits were gonna come and get me, right? And it's something that I as I say, I find hard to talk about because I know people are like, it was probably just in your head, you're a child, it was probably just your imagination. No, it was not. No, it was not. It was not. This was something that happened, this was something that was very, very real, and this was something that was conjured up by somebody else. So when I heard about um witchcraft and and spells, that is what I thought that was. Like and it's and it's not that, but there are people who do stuff like that. I don't actually call that witchcraft, that is something else. That that that is something else. I guess it could be a form of witchcraft, right? And and and I also don't use the term myself that I am a white witch and like a love and light witch and and all of this, because I actually think that is also deeply deeply problematic too. And um I yeah, that that is also deeply problematic. Maybe I'll get more into that in this episode. But I this is this is literally like what what I thought it was, and what actually I I came to realise is as I it was going to be, as I say, the one thing that would actually help me heal from from the from those from those experiences as as a child. So my abuser when I was a child, um he sexually abused me, and as I said, like he he he worked worked with like dodgy things and like all of that, right? Now there was definitely things now where I think it might not have been um a ghost or whatever you want to call it. Like I there are there are things that I think were him now possibly taunting me and my family, but there were but there was definitely definitely definitely um definitely like a spirit something in in the house. Um and we had to like have somebody out and and get rid of and and and and all of the things, but like for instance, I remember um and this like like literally like haunted me for a really, really, really long time. My nana was um like I think her water or something, her hot water or something had broken. Um so she was looking after us, and my nana was like she hated, hated, hated um my abuser, like there is just like she was so so so sore against all of this, and um yeah, like so of course she was like targeted and like you know, like as I said, like this was something that that there was just no way that he could have facilitated like what happened, and I can remember her literally like screaming and like jumping out of the uh out of like the bathroom, like running down the stairs with just a tiny little um towel on, and my nana was like very like uh conservative, like that that was not something she would have done, and like all the products and stuff had like fallen in on in the bath on her. There was stuff like that. I can remember um like being um in the attic, and there was like nobody else in in the in the attic, and I was like going through some of my stuff, and like my teddy like turned round and just stuff like that. And it was it was like terrifying. I can remember um there was an an evening and um Like another person in my family like just started like screaming and they like they saw something. It was just it, it was oh the it was it was really bad. It was horrendous, and it's something that even now talking about, I can feel myself like, oh my gosh. Um like the sexual trauma and the other traumas, like honestly, like they were nothing compared to to that. That was, you know, as a child that was really, really terrifying. And of course, you can't tell your friends about it, you can't tell people because people just think you're fucking mad. Um, so like I I didn't tell like my friends and stuff at school, like I didn't um talk about it, and um like I the same as I didn't talk about being like sexually abused because I didn't know I had been, in all honesty. Um, I knew something was wrong and I knew something wasn't right, but I was a child and I was groomed and I it was it was a whole thing. Um and it's why I care so much about talking about like sex and um you know like things that are like seen as taboo and stuff, because I'm a real firm believer those things happen and those things grow um you know in the shadow because people don't talk about these things, and it's why I'm like so, so, so passionate about this work. Anyway, to bring it to now, um so as I say, um, in 2021 is when I did my first spell, and so because of all of that, there's no way that I was going to do this work, but also like since um a little girl, like I have seen things and I've had experiences and I've sensed things and like I have felt always felt really deeply, like I really, really struggled in school. I I just when people were like mean to people, like I just didn't get it. Like I it's like I just always cared and I've always felt things, and I've always just known that because of those experiences, I've always known there's there there is spirit and there is something, but then I also had experiences with like I I I just knew there was something, um like beautiful, you know, experiences. Um like I'm not, you know, like I mean, of course I'm fucking not Christian. Although, like, if that's you, then you know, I honour that as long as you're not being a douchebag with it. Um you know, like I can respect any religion and all of that, as long as, as I say, you're not harming people with it. And unfortunately, a lot of like religions and stuff do. But like, I believe in what some people would call God, I don't always use that terminology, sometimes I might, but like I know there is there is something, right? But my belief is it's no kind of um different to us as as humans, and I know that's gonna piss some people off, it's just a different energy, and it can be really supportive and it can really, really help us, but it's just as flawed as we are, it's just as flawed, but that is a different energy, and you know, so I get why some people don't believe in that because they're like, why would all these horrible things happen if this was that? I don't actually believe that so whilst I think spirit can support us and assist us and like all of that, I don't think they I personally don't think they can have the power to stop the human suffering. Um, but for me, there I've always known that there is and and to me it's ignorant. I think that it's just us, it's just us humans, and that there wouldn't be other, I don't know, entities or spirits or whatever, and we're just somehow the chosen ones. Um so I know there are spirits, and I know there are spirit guides, and I believe we all have spirit guides, just some of us aren't in tune and aren't connected, and they can assist us and they can help us, and also it also makes sense that there's also going to be um spirits and stuff that I don't necessarily think are bad or anything like that, but just like us, they're angry and they're pissed, and I think it's also really, really rare that um any of them want to harm you or do harm by you or will cause you any, any bother. And and and and and I will never dismiss somebody if they say they are having that experience, and I do believe people can conjure these things up, and it's why, like, I am not somebody that will mess about with anything like that. I'm not somebody, you know, when people go like seeking out like ghosts and all of these things, like I'm not doing that, like I'm not interested in any of that, and also I have come to a place now where I also wouldn't judge somebody if they said that they were like putting a hex on somebody or they weren't a love and light witch, because I also now don't class myself as a love and light witch, because um from having this experience, right, and what happened to me, as I say, in 2021, what I realized is so for me personally, and I've heard stories of this where people have been really, really oppressed and they send the energy back and they do a hex or whatever, right? And again, like discernment, discernment, discernment, discernment. And I'm like, if that is the only way for somebody to protect themselves, like crack on. Crack on. Do I think we should be sending energy back to some of the fucking world leaders and and all of that? Abso fucking lutely. Anybody who doesn't kind of want justice and just thinks like this behavior is okay, like I I question you and I question um, I really question the kind of the whole just love and light spirituality bullshit, and um I think the whole like I'm a white witch and whatever, I think can be problematic for so many reasons, and often it is there is some you know um elements where there can be in some cases some kind of like unknowing to the person they don't realise, but um a way to um put down different cultures and indigenous cultures and make out like they're all dodgy, and there can be like a racism element and like all of these things. I'm not an expert, I'm probably gonna mess this up as I'm talking about it, but it's just something that I think is really important to be mindful of just assuming somebody's practice is dodgy when it could literally just be them protecting themselves, because this is literally what happened to me in in 2021.

Pandemic Triggers And Body Autonomy

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Like, not that I was like doing anything, anything dodgy, but I had this realization, and basically what happened to me, as I say, in 2021, it started coming sort of on my radar, and it wasn't long after I had so in 2020 when everything locked down and like pandemic and all of that, that really brought up um trauma in my body, and I was waking up in that night and having literal PTSD attacks, and it it came about because well, one, we were all locked down and we were confined, but also, if I'm sure you remember, but like we had the system had been set up to really, really divide us, so you were either vaccinated or you weren't getting vaccined or or whatever, and if you weren't getting vaccined, you were an awful, horrible person. This for me was really, really, and I don't say this lightly, but this was for me was really, really traumatic because intuitively I just felt in my body that the vaccine wasn't going to be good for me. I wasn't saying like other people shouldn't have it, etc. etc. etc. I was just like, ha, intuitively, I just feel like it's not it's not right for me. Um and I I knew when like it was going to be rolled out, I wasn't having it, and people were like saying, Oh, you know, it won't be forced, and all of these things. But then there did become this thing where like if you weren't having it and you weren't planning on having it, all of a sudden you became a narcissistic, horrible person who didn't care about vulnerable people. And what happened to me because of um my childhood experiences and not having autonomy over my body and being like sexually groomed and stuff as a child, it I felt like, oh my gosh, here I am as an adult, and it doesn't end. Like I or the people still think they have the right to tell me what to do with my body, and they can tell me that I'm a bad, horrible person who doesn't care about anybody else if I don't go along with this. And I started waking up in the night and having these PTSD attacks, and um really uh my abuser has died. Um and I at this point, um I I think he hadn't died at this point, but I knew he was getting old, right? And um it's hard to like it was such traumatic thing, it's hard to piece like all the dates and stuff together, but I was aware he was getting older, and I was thinking, oh my gosh, like what if he dies and he comes after me? And I know that might sound ridiculous to some people, but when you've had an experience like that, like it just it just brought up stuff for me, and it was something that again I can't really talk about because people will just think you're like ridiculous, and then just like the homeschooling and all of that, and I lived in circumstances that I hated, and um basically we lived above in-laws, and we just were clashing and we weren't getting on, and we were like locked down together, and I was just overwhelmed, and it just brought up so much stuff, and it was just a really, really, really, really hard time, anyway. Me being me and me being like spiritual and all of these things, like I just kept like, okay, okay, let's tune in, let's do all this. And at the same time, what started to happen is I started seeing other women and more women talking about being a witch and talking about witchcraft and all of those things. And some in my intuition was just like there's something in this, and I started what I can only say is like deconditioning and waking up and being like, what if it's not the experience that I've been taught? Like this, what if this was not the experience I had as a child? What if this is the opposite? But obviously, I was very scared and I was like very discerning and all of that, and um and and yeah, it just kept coming up, it just kept coming, and then I heard people talking about the witch wound, and I was like, there's something in that, and my intuition was like there was something in this, there was something in this, and um yeah, and uh anyway, my intuition led me to a podcast. The

The Witch Wound And Remembering

SPEAKER_00 33:47

podcast, I could not even tell you what the podcast was called, who the podcast was by anything, anything like that, because as I say, this period was just there was just so much going on in this period of my life, and I was just like everybody else, like just trying to get through it, and you know, like I was like, you know, helping other people do it and doing what I do now, and like online and coaching people and doing like um I did like a free challenge for us, like being locked down and like all of these things to support other people whilst I was like navigating this because that was felt like the right thing to do. That was kind of keeping keeping me sane and in a in a time when there was so much fear and all of that. Anyway, I put on this podcast episode, and as I said, the only thing I can tell you was it was about the witch wound, and I'd been called to you know listen to it, and um at that point I'd started learning about like psychic abilities, and I realized that I was like claircognience and clairvoyant and like all of these things, and now I finally understood what those what those things were and how I could develop those skills to actually fucking protect myself. Um and as I say, I do think it is rare that you actually need to do that, but I was felt like I did need to do that based on on my childhood. Um so like I I'd started to to learn about these things anyway. I listened to this podcast and she started describing and talking about what they did to predominantly women and the you know the witch trials and like all of these things, and I had the most fucking surreal crazy experience where all of a sudden, like I just like heard this voice that was not my voice but also was my voice. I can't explain it, and like this almost like this out of body experience, and like this like vision, and I could feel it throughout my whole body, and it and then there was like this chant, and it just kept going, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember. And I was like, Fuck, like like I was killed in a past life, and like of course I fucking was. You probably were too if you're listening to this. And and not because I was doing anything dodgy in a past life, but because I was intuitive, and because I did have power, and because I did probably do um rituals, which is basically just medicine and like midwifery and knowing um herbs and knowing remedies um to heal different, you know, things, and etc, etc. etc. And um all of those things, and I was like, fuck. And then in this lifetime, I'd forgotten all of those things and became afraid of those things because I was killed and tortured for those things in a past life. Um, and basically what I came to realise is all of those things were the things that were actually going to protect me in this life. And I was taught to be afraid of them by a man, of course, by a man, um, and that I didn't know what I was fucking talking about, and that I couldn't protect myself, and that I was bad, and that I was a sinner. And through doing spells and doing rituals, what I was able to do was energetically protect myself, send that fucking shit back and be like, you fucking stay away from me. And this person did pass over, and I had this experience a couple of years ago where I don't know if there was an actual spirit there, but I just felt this kind of energy and I was no longer afraid, and I was like, fuck off. And I just knew and I stood in in my power, and as I said, when I'm doing rituals and when I'm doing spells and stuff, like I am not calling in any of that stuff. I am literally just doing no different than if you were making a stew and you're like doing affirmations and setting an intention and all of that, right? That being said, I do have a a spirit team, and they don't like being fucked with, and if somebody tries to fuck with me, I will be like send the energy back, all of that. Um, and I just think I don't know why we're disencouraging that, I don't know why we have taught people that that is evil. Uh well, I do know why, because if somebody cannot get out of a situation and they are, for instance, like being oppressed, they've been held captive, and all of that, and the only thing they can do is something energetic and send something back, you're gonna want to stop them doing that, so you're gonna tell them if they do that that they will be punished and that's they're evil and they're bad, and something bad will happen to them. I mean, it's pretty clever. It is pretty clever. So, of course, we love to do that to other cultures and like all of this, because the white men don't want people defending themselves. And um, so no, I'm not a love and light witch. If I need to fuck shit up, I will fuck shit up. And also, I don't believe, as a general rule, of putting spells on people, of um like messing with free will. When I'm doing a spell and when I'm doing an alchemy, I'm not messing with anybody else's stuff. I am coming into alignment with what is aligned for me, and then but what I do find is often the energy shifts, and then you know, no different to when you're manifesting, circumstances can change, but like they're only gonna change if other people have on board with that, you know.

The Spell That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_00 40:02

And so what happened in 2021 is and this was like so fucking insane to me. Um, as I said, like I was very unhappy and I was in a circumstance that like I was really, really unhappy with, and I was like, so all this witch stuff started coming on my radar, and I was like, I don't know where I'm fucking doing, but I know I can trust myself. I know I can trust myself, I know my intuition is good, like I know I'm fucking powerful. I'm gonna sit and I'm gonna do a spell and I'm gonna do a ritual and I'm gonna do something because I am fucking fed up. And um, and not that you have to do this, but this is what I did because I was following my intuition, and I just felt like I just needed to fucking purge like all this energy, and I didn't want anything on my body. So I got myself completely naked and I got a ball and I got some herbs, and I just started being like, this is what I want, and I'm sick of this, and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah, right? And I shit you not. It's like something just changed. And then I'd been trying to move out of our circumstances for a really, really long time, and it was not happening. And if in this was in 2021, and if you remember in 2021, um, people could not move because basically, like, people with money were buying, like, you know, second homes and like all of that, so they were moving to the the the countryside, so like you couldn't buy a house, and it was also renting was really, really difficult. Like, you could not move, and prices just kind of went through the roof and stuff, and it was a shit show. And basically, so we were trying to move out, and all of these things, but literally, every time we even just looked at something on on Right Move, which is like the website in the UK, um, that it's like like a search engine in the UK if you're looking to like buy or move or rent, like whatever it is. And literally, as soon as properties were coming on, um, people were going, like taking them without even looking, right? And this is just renting because we were planning on buying, and then what happened is we got priced out of the market because the the house prices just went crazy. So I was like, I don't fucking care, we'll rent. I don't care, we'll rent, but we couldn't even rent. Like, literally every place that was coming up, like a hundred people were inquiring, like the minute it went up. And I was just like, oh my gosh, like, how am I gonna get out of this situation? And I was like, we need to do some woo fucking shit. And I was like, you know what? It's not going to um like I now know no harm of me is gonna come at doing this. I'm literally just setting an intention and I'm putting out to the universe what I fucking want because all this like gratitude list, this fluffy manifestation, love and light, blah blah blah, is not fucking working. No, I need some alchemy shit. I need to do some shadowy stuff, some taboo stuff that I have been told to stay away from, and I'm not here for that bullshit anymore. Like, I'm sick of this. I'm gonna do something that is to the outside world, they'll be like, oh my gosh, what is she doing? She's doing a spell, she's getting naked, fucking witchcraft, she's working with the devil. I need to be doing the kind of stuff that they tell women to stay away from. Why do they tell women to stay away from? Because a woman will know what to do, she will tap into her intuition, the energy will change, she will no longer put up with bullshit, she will send fucking energy back to anybody that is trying to motherfucking hurt her. That is what I need to do. So I sit down, I start doing this spell, um, I get complete nick, and I'm like, and I'm like convicted and I'm mad, and I'm like sick of the bullshit. And of course, of course, um, we manage to to move out, and it happens really, really quickly. It happens, um, like I do the spell like over the Lions Gate portal. Pink Alchemy is gonna be on um the 7th of August, if you would like to come to that, literally just before the 8-8 portal, and it's the date of Lamas because that date is really, really special to me because this is what happened on that date. Um, and all of a sudden it was just like we got a call and they were like, This this house that you want to to rent, like it is yours, after not being able to move out, after getting rejected, after all of these things. And what happened is um, so as I say, we kept like getting like we couldn't even see places. They were like, I'm sorry it's gone, I'm sorry it's gone, I'm sorry it's gone. And I just was like, Oh my gosh, like I've got to just believe, I've gotta just know that we can do this, like I gotta get out of this situation. And um there was a house that I was really gutted that we didn't get. Um, like we wanted to rent this house, and I was remember just being like really gutted with them being like, okay, if we don't get it, like this is something better, this is something better. And this might sound like crazy to some people, but I really, really, really, really wanted a downstairs toilet. Um, because where we lived before, like uh this is gonna sound so fucking bougie. Um, but like we had like four toilets. Maybe did we have four? Might have been more than that. Yeah, no, we had four toilets in a house. Like, nobody needs four fucking toilets, right? But it's just we lived in a place that used to be um a B and B. So like all the rooms had an ensuite, right? But I hated it. I hated it, but I was like, oh my gosh, right? I was like, how am I gonna and I know like this is first world problems, right? But I was like, how am I gonna go from having four toilets to we've all got to share one bathroom? But I I was just I was like, I don't care, I need to move, I need to move, I need to move. So there was this house that I really uh liked and I really want wanted us to rent. We just accepted that we weren't gonna be buying, we'd been priced out, but I was like, I don't fucking care, I just want to move, I just want to move, right? But the the only thing this house didn't have is it didn't have a downstairs toilet. And um I was like, I was really sad because I was so desperate to move, but I was like, maybe um, like maybe it's not meant to be, maybe the universe wants me to have something better. Anyway, the house we left in now does have a have a downstairs toilet, and we got it, and a hundred people had applied um for this house that that we're living in, and um you know the rest is history uh as as we shall share. And it doesn't mean that um there wasn't hard stuff and there wasn't challenges. I went through like a really big trauma in 2022 when we moved here, hard thing happened. Like alchemy, ritual, um, spells, like these don't stop you from experiencing the human experience, right? They don't. But I really do believe that if you want more from life or there's a situation and stuff that you don't like, I really do believe this work can really, really help. And I always say to people, like, what have you got to lose? If the practical isn't working, do some woo shit. Do some woo shit. What have you got to lose? Like, at minimum, what is going to happen is you are going to connect with yourself, you are gonna increase the relationship with yourself. Like, there are people who don't want you to do this. Why? Because they don't want women listening to themselves, they don't want women connecting, and there's other people who just don't believe it and just think it's a lot of bollocks, and you you know, like you just just they're they're allowed to think that. And um I've got to a place now where I, for the most part, like I'm not a hundred percent, but like I'm not really bothered if people think that I'm like fucking crazy, woo-woo, whatever. Like, I unapologetically own that I'm a witch now. I do what I do find hard is like what I shared earlier, is when people don't believe what happened to me when when I was a child, but now I just have boundaries and I don't really talk about it, um, because they don't have the right to to hear about my past, especially if they're gonna just mock it and not believe it, believe me. Um, so I just kind of don't talk about that and I just kind of like protect myself. But also what's really important to me and what's really integral to me is to talk about this for for the people that this would really, really serve them because I just know that I wouldn't have the life and stuff that I have had I not done this work, like it brought me home to myself, and I I would just always be so grateful for that, and I just so grateful for for my spirit guides, and I'm I'm whenever I'm really, really struggling, I will always end up doing like a ritual. I'll always end up doing some sort of alchemy and it helps sometimes straight away. Sometimes I won't even realize, and then I'll look back on my journal like six months later, and I'll be like, oh my gosh, like that situation that you're really, really stressed about. You did a ritual, and now six months later, like you've you've forgotten about it because it's just now your norm. But actually, it wasn't a coincidence, you did something on that, you did something, you did some energetic work, and as I say, like I just feel like worst case scenario, you spending some time with yourself, you're nurturing yourself, you're pouring into to yourself. Like, I think, well, I don't think we know that this is the kind of thing we would have all done once or but like we would have used the moonlight, we would have been under the moonlight, we would have come together, like we would have sat together in communities, in circle, and we've come so far away from all

Boundaries, Protection, And Community

SPEAKER_00 50:03

of that. And yes, there can be spaces where, of course, there's always gonna be dodgy circles, and we know there's a lot of patriarchy in spirituality and all of that, so like don't be ignorant, like have discernment, and sometimes they're not dodgy, something's just not aligned for you. Um, but for me, just having other people that get it, and witchy people around me, and um building a coven, which is like something society will be like, oh my gosh, she's building a cult, and I'm just like, oh gosh, you just gotta, you just gotta laugh about these things. Um, but it's just I'm like, to me, it's just they just don't want women to to talk, they don't want women to to be um gathering because people you will realize that you are powerful and you will realize your worth and you will change circumstances. And um, something that also happened when I did that spell and I owned what I won. I always kind of make this joke that I put a spell on my husband. I didn't actually put a spell on my husband, I don't actually believe in doing that, as I say, as a as a as a general rule. Actually, no, I don't believe in putting spells on people. I do believe energetically protecting yourself and sending something back. I do believe in that. If somebody's being a dick, I'm like, whew, send that shit back, right? I don't believe in the rule of three that if you send something, it's gonna come back at you. I I believe that they teach you that so that women don't protect themselves. I think that is bollocks. Um because I will motherfucking send shit back if you send shit to me. Like, I fucking will, and I'm fucking powerful and like you know, like that meme when it's like I feel sorry for somebody who tries to mess with me because my spirit guides are savage. Yes, they fucking are. Um yes, they are. And but anyway, I always make this joke that I put a spell on my husband. Didn't actually put a spell on my husband, but what I did do when I did a spell, right? I was we were going through a really hard time, I was unhappy in my marriage, right? I did the spell and I sat in ritual and I motherfucking owned what I wanted. And I swear to god, it shifted something in in my marriage, not because I was putting a spell over Tony, but because as my energy shifted and my conviction and my standards shifted, like people can rise up. Now I can't guarantee that that can happen, but I do know there is something when a woman owns what she wants and stands in her power, something does shift, and whether it's like the other person feels it and they level up, or whether you kind of just now will hold a certain standard that maybe like you won't put up with it anymore, and the relationship will fall down, but you will have the courage now and you'll know what to do. Like the outcomes and stuff can't be guaranteed, but I just know if something isn't working for you, there will be an alchemy that happens, and some people don't want that because they're frightened of that. But to me, um I mean that's that's always telling, that's always telling. Um I'm a real firm believer, and you can't lose anybody and you can't lose a relationship that is in alignment for you. All you can do is come into alignment with yourself, and what's meant to stay will stay, and what's meant to evolve and rise up will, and what isn't will fall away. And if before you didn't have the strength and you didn't have the courage and you didn't like feel ready to do that, um you'll get more convicted and you'll um and all of these things. And again, there's a reason we wouldn't want women to to have that, and there's a reason we wouldn't want women following the moon cycles and listening to their body because a woman who is listening to her body cannot be exploited, cannot be exploited into this like hustle culture and to keep doing, doing, doing. And we all know we can do, do, do, do and still be miserable and not have the results we want. And so to me, when we do stuff like that, it is that um that thing of like, you know, doing, doing less, but actually having more of the results you want, and also it's not all about getting external results. Like sometimes it is just like I I just say to people, like, you are worthy of sitting and doing this work because you are worthy. You are worthy, not for an external outcome, but because your body deserves that, because you deserve to just be with yourself, and to me that is what alchemy is, it's just being with yourself, it's it's honouring yourself. Um, I see like alchemy is like sort of energetic, sort of hygiene, the way that you would like brush your teeth and all of that, and you know if you don't that you know your teeth are gonna fall out and all of that, but like we don't do regular, just like being with ourselves and and having rituals and all of that, but yet life lives on us, like it's always going to life on us, and people project and people put their stuff on us. So to me, when we sit and we do alchemy, it's like I'm releasing all that, I'm purging all that, I'm listening to my intuition, and yes, sometimes things um transform and sometimes they change. That's something that you know. This this podcast is called Truth and Transformation. Like, I'm not against um, like I love transformation, I love alchemy. I also don't want us to be chasing it. To me, like, you know, if we're gonna use the word healing, a lot of that is actually deconditioning it, it's actually unlearning stuff. It is because you're not broken and you don't need fixing. And that's a lot of the work that like I really if women get anything from me, it's like just live your fucking life. You don't need to be constantly changing things, you don't need to be fixing things, you don't need to be forcing outcomes. But I do think it benefits you to just sit with yourself and to be with yourself and to process what's coming up so that you can go out and live. And I think that is work that is always important to do, that I'm always going to be doing because the one relationship that I'm guaranteed to have is the relationship with myself. So when I am sitting and I'm doing ritual and I'm alchemizing and all of that, what I'm basically saying is I matter and I am gonna listen to myself, and of course, that is going to make a difference.

Final Reflections And Pink Alchemy

SPEAKER_00 56:49

Anyway, I'm gonna wrap it up there because this is nearly an hour long. But if you do want to do some alchemy work, then um come join Pink Alchemy. As I said, it's on the 7th of August. If you are in Dorset, come come come spend time with me and Hannah, who who I'm running Pink Alchemy with. And um yeah, come come come join us. Anyway, I will be back next week with another podcast episode. I will chat to you then.