Overwhelm & Women Feeling Not Enough & Too Much

You can do everything right and still feel like you are failing. That is not a flaw in you, it is a feature of a system that trains women to overgive, overthink, and overfunction while carrying invisible labour that barely gets named, let alone shared. I’m back relaunching Truth and Transformation with a clear intention: we stop turning women’s exhaustion into a private shame story. 

We talk about the epidemic of burnout, anxiety, and overwhelm, and why “just work on yourself” can become a trap when it keeps you focused on fixing your personality instead of seeing patriarchy, capitalism, and the social rules that punish women for having needs. I also unpack how parts of the coaching, wellness, and spirituality spaces can accidentally or purposely reinforce self-blame, from law of attraction thinking to the idea that every struggle is your mindset, your money block, or what you attracted. Accountability matters, but relentless self-criticism is not growth, it is internalised misogyny wearing a nicer outfit. 

From there we get practical: where do you feel behind, too much, or not enough, and what happens when you stop believing every intrusive thought? We explore self-compassion as a real skill, boundaries as a form of self-respect, and the courage to disappoint people. I share the idea of emotional alchemy and a “soul metabolism”, owning what you want without immediately acting on it, then building a container that supports your long-term wellbeing, relationships, and financial independence. 

If this lands, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find the show. What rule are you ready to break this week?

More from from me and to work with me go to KirstyDee.com

Transcript

Relaunch And A New Direction

Speaker 0:00

This is the podcast for the women ready to break some rules, for the women who are fed up of pouring into everyone else and not getting what they want. This is where you discover what is true for you and you transform and alchemize the areas of your life that is not doing it for you. Welcome to Truth and Transformation. I'm your host, Kirsty Dee. Let's go. Hello, hello, hello, lovelies. It feels so so so so good to be back, to be relaunching this podcast and to be starting afresh, oh my gosh, doing the podcast for almost six years and then deciding to pause it and relaunch it was a decision that I didn't make lightly, but it just feels so so so good and it feels so aligned. Anyway, I will probably talk about that more throughout the series, possibly in this episode, I don't know. We will see, but I want to just jump straight into today's topic and today's episode and just like kick kick this off, like you know, straight out of the park, just go for it. I want to talk about something that is deeply, deeply, deeply on my heart, and that is we have an epidemic of women that are burnt out, that are anxious, that are overwhelmed, that feel like it's it's just it's just not enough. Like they're spinning all the plates, like the invisible labour put on women is insane, and I'm just like I'm just sick of it. It just pisses me off that this is like how the system is. I I like I have been coaching women for, I'll be coming up for seven years, and I've been working with women for over 20 years now, and I've been running women's events for it'll be literally seven, just over seven years now as well. And I don't think I've come across a woman yet that doesn't struggle at times, or sometimes chronically, it's a chronic thing, but I don't know a woman who doesn't this doesn't show up for at least some times where they just feel not enough, that they're not doing enough, that they're letting somebody down, or they feel too much and that they have to shrink and sense a part of themselves, and it's just diabolical, and I'm just a sick of it. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna like re-laun to this podcast and we're gonna go more in-depth and we're gonna talk about these things because the the truth is it doesn't matter like how much you do and how much you give and how much you work on yourself. There's gonna be somebody that doesn't like it, that isn't happy. Like, that is the truth. That is that is the reality. Like, we know this, but yet we we still try because that is what women are trained to do. We are trained to just keep working on ourselves and just trying to better ourselves and just try to keep everybody happy and just keep doing and just keep doing, and like don't complain about it, etc. etc. etc. Because you know, somebody's got it worse off than you. And what I know is the transformation comes when we call it out and we go, This is bullshit, and we channel our rage, and we instead of attacking ourselves, and instead of believing all the intrusive thoughts and the inner critic, because the inner critic is also your inner patriarchy, your internalized misogyny, and it's like when we can start seeing that and we start actually calling out this system that is set up for everybody to fail, let's be honest. But it the way it hits women is different to how it hits men, and the way it hits women is with the invisible labor, is that I'm gonna just keep working on myself, I'm gonna keep listening to podcasts. I know the irony because you're listening to a podcast as I'm chatting, but I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep working on myself and I'm gonna keep working on my communication and I'm gonna keep etc etc etc. I'm gonna keep working on trying to be better at regulating myself, and I'm gonna try and keep being a better parent and learning better parenting skills, like whatever it is. And I'm not saying there isn't a place for those things, those things have deeply, deeply, deeply served me. Like self-help, personal development and stuff, doing courses, having like other cultures and stuff. There was a time in my life where that really, really served me where I wouldn't be where I am without that. And also there becomes a point where we have to stop trying to improve ourselves, stop trying to better ourselves and realize there is nothing fucking wrong with us. We do not need to be different, we do not need to be more, we also don't need to be less. We just have to learn to fucking unapologetically love ourselves and get good with friction and get good with people not liking it. And I say that knowing that that is not easy and that is it is also work, but at least that it's the work that takes our life forward, at least it's the work that dismantles systems because I'm I'm looking around, and so many people are struggling to to cover their bills, and you know, they they feel like they're failing in their relationships, they feel like they're failing as a mother, they feel like if they can't hold their friendships together, um, etc. Like that that there's something wrong with them, and it's like, no, that is the system, that is the system that it literally has you going, what is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? rather than realize like it was net like we're not designed that way, like none of us are, regardless how you identify, none of us are, but we're so obsessed with women being better and doing it all, and we're not obsessed with the system, we're not obsessed with the epidemic of violent men that we have. We're not obsessed that we keep teaching women that um if something goes wrong, it's her fault. If her relationship falls down and her partner doesn't do the work that she chose wrong. Like, the truth is we love to tell women that she chose wrong, that like she did something wrong. The spirituality feel loves to echo this, the law of attraction field loves to echo this, hence why I dismantled my um podcasts because I'm in those fields and I just woke up and kind of saw how much patriarchy there is in the spiritual field, how much patriarchy there is in the wellness field, how much patriarchy there is in the coaching field. You know, like I have done things that I've and and said things that I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't like like nothing, nothing, nothing bad to be to be clear. I've always been like, huh, that doesn't feel quite right. But I also absorbed messages that I now can't stand behind, like I just can't get behind. And I found myself really, really beating myself up because I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I fell for this. And and that's what we do as women. And don't get us wrong, I think it's really important that if you realize you messed up or you got something wrong, like it's so important to be accountable, like to be accountable. One of the problems we've got in the world is um people do lack accountability, and also we do make it very difficult for people to to be accountable because we're very we just love cancelling people. And oh so it just creates this whole kind of system that it's just bullshit and that we all get we all get hurt in. But it was the reason that like I was like, I have to dismantle my podcast, I have to um, I have to start again because there is there is teachings and stuff that served me in one season that don't anymore, that I can't get behind. So for instance, like I was really into like the feminine and and masculine kind of work, and that deeply, deeply served me. And there's parts of that that is so so so beautiful that um I can see how it really can serve us, but unfortunately, it has been so weaponized and so exploited that I just can't, I I just can't anymore because it is causing so many problems, you know, well for everyone. I was gonna say particularly for women, yes, particularly for women, but actually it just comes at a different angle, but it's hurting men, it's hurting everyone. And for me, the transformation comes. Here's what I've realized that if you're somebody that has been doing self-help and personal development for a long time, and maybe you've been into like love attraction and manifesting and all of that. I'm not saying don't keep the things that are working for you, but I've realized the transformation and the shift and the alchemy comes when we stop trying to be better and we stop trying to improve ourselves and we stop trying to fix everything and we let just some things be and we just start fucking living, and we just start like seizing the day, and we we let people um like there are people who are just not going to do the work and they're just not going to look at their shit, and you know, for me I had to realise, you know, like I've gotta walk away, I've gotta raise my standards, and again, that's not easy because there are so many women who are like financially trapped, um, who are just deeply afraid, they don't know they deserve more. I am gonna do an episode on money and power, and because I I actually think, for instance, the law of attraction space and and things like that have really, really, really, really hurt a lot of people. And all of these things, I think there are so many beautiful things, there's so many um good things in all of these things, but I a lot of it has really harmed us. Like I really believe like patriarchy loves spirituality because whilst there are beautiful teachings, they've also been really distorted, and what these fields often teach, like if something goes wrong, like you attracted it, or it's it's your fault, it's your money block. So it keeps you focusing on yourself rather than no, no, you're struggling with money because of the system, because of capitalism, because like patriarchy, because like of all of these things, but if you're distracted going, it's me, it's my money blocks, or it's my belief system, then we aren't challenging the system. So for me, it's always gotta be, it's we've gotta be both. We've gotta be looking at the system and stuff. And yes, also we've it is important. Like nobody's um, like it doesn't feel good to not look at your own stuff. As I say, there was a time when personal development, self-help, all of that stuff really, really, really, really served me. It helped me to identify patterns, it helped me um to just see things really, really clearly. And that was really, really important. But it becomes a thing where that's just like another thing to do, to keep you distracted, to keep you from living, to keep you blaming yourself, that keeps you believing your inner critic. That and it's just it's just bullshit. And I just see, and I'm gonna do an episode particularly um on motherhood. I think that's really important. If you're listening to this, even if you're not a mother, I think this is a really, really important episode because whether you have kids or you don't have kids, we're pitted against each other. And I think it just helps us if we don't talk about the system and how motherhood like people who are mothers are set up to to fail, um, we're not gonna change, not gonna change anything. So I'm gonna be doing episodes talking about sisterhood and talking about um friendships and talking about money and talking about invisible labor. Um, literally all the things that impact us, I want to talk about. I am gonna be talking doing an episode on the feminine and masculine space because as I said, I was like really heavily in that space, and honestly, I've just seen things that I'm just like, what the actual fuck? Like, this is causing harm. I can no longer get behind this, like fuck off. Basically, is kind of how how I feel. And what I really want, and what I really care about, is I want women getting what they want, I want them to be having incredible relationships if that's something that they desire. My my thing to that though is also women have been taught to just um like your worth is all on your relationships and stuff, and this is one of the ways to keep women from having money, to keep women financially trapped and stuff. And for me, it's like I don't really care what what what you want, I care that that you're able to get what you want. So whether you want to live a really, really traditional, so-called, you know, traditional kind of life, then I want you to have that. I want you to have choice. I just want to make sure that you are financially protected because so many women are. If you're somebody that's more like, I want to like build an empire and I want to go big, I'm like, okay, let's do that. Let's make sure that you are supported so that is possible. If you are somebody that has always um just really desired like female friendships or male friendships, whatever it is for you. But I know a lot of women really, really crave that. I know I really did. I talked about that at length. If you listened to the um the previous episodes before, I privatized them of something that I really, really wanted, and I I have that now, and that was something that was really hard because women are taught to be awful to each other and to pit each other, like to be pitted against each other. So as the series goes on, I'm gonna be talking about all these things. I will, of course, at some point be talking about sex because there is so much stuff there, you know, like you're shamed if you don't want sex, like if you're if you're just not fucking fussed, but you're also ashamed if you do enjoy sex. Um, I had so much conditioning around there, so I'm gonna be going into all of all of these things, but today I want to go into this more of where do you feel like you're failing? Where do you feel like you're behind in life? Where do you feel like you're not enough? What experiences or who or what has made you feel like you're not enough, that you're not enough, or that perhaps you're too much. And I want you to just pay attention to because here's where the transformation and stuff comes. When you stop buying into every, you know, like intrusive thought that you that you have, and that inner critic, and you stop telling yourself that you know you're failing if you ever do fail at something, because you will fail, you will fail again and again and again because everybody does, we just don't talk about it. Like, and here's the thing, it's not about trying to fix those things. Like, when I talk about alchemy and I talk about transformation, I'm not talking about giving yourself something else to do, I'm not talking about putting yourself on another treadmill of like uh like another thing. For me, it's like it's when we realize actually we don't need to fix everything and we don't need to to change everything. And sometimes what we actually just need to do is learn to be kind to ourselves, and I say that as if it's easy, it is it is not like there are tools and there's things that I've had to learn because I really, really suffered with like a really debilitating inner critic that would just never shut the fuck up, and I always have an inner narrative going on. I didn't realise for a long time that not everybody had that. Like I I swear there's like 10 people living in my brain, and I had to really learn things that worked for me, and what works for me might not work for you, but I had to I had to learn to be compassionate to myself, I had to learn to love myself, and I feel like that sounds really corny and it sounds like really, really um cliche. And when I started that journey, oh my gosh, it was back in 2017, so it was a long, long time ago for me. I literally did not know how to start. I did not know how to love myself. I like I literally didn't know, like I couldn't get that, I didn't think I was like worthy of that. Um, I didn't think I deserved that. Um, I beat myself up for everything. I always blamed myself if something went something went wrong. And I just had to start being more compassionate to myself. And that's where I say to everybody to just start like, where are you being quite mean to yourself? Where are you beating yourself up? Where are you not being very compassionate with yourself? What habits and stuff that you do you have that you know don't serve you? And instead of beating yourself up about those things, what if we give ourselves some empathy and give ourselves some grace? Because even the stuff in myself that has been um problematic and the stuff in myself that has not necessarily served me, it never helped me to be mean to myself, it never helped me to be cruel to myself. I had to start realizing that all my behaviors and all my patterns and stuff, it all made sense. It was all ways that I'd learned to cope with stress, it was all ways that I'd learned to cope with anxiety, it was all ways that I'd learned to um cope with that inner critic, with that inner patriarchy, with that, with with traumas and stuff that had happened. And I had to start loving on myself, and I had to start taking care of like what I call my inner child in my inner teen. And that is not as loffy or as as fluffy or as like woo as it might sound for me. It was just it was simple practices like like journaling and um treating myself with like tender love and care, um like reparenting myself, like being the parent for myself that I needed for myself. Um and that has been a process, and I I still have days where I get really down on myself and I can be really mean to myself or I can believe um, you know, the the things that tell me that I'm failing, that I'm not doing enough, and all of that. Like it still happens, not as much, but it does happen, and I don't know anyone who it doesn't happen for at times, and I think that's why it's really important to talk about this, especially if you are somebody that is the default in your relationships for the invisible labour, if you're the one that is the default for the emotional and mental labour, for the domestic labour, all of these things because it's very easy for society to be like, well, just don't do it and just don't do that. But for the reality for a lot of us is it is actually not as simple as that because there are consequences to that, there is um an impact for that. Often, as women, we get blamed if something goes wrong. Often there's people there might be children involved that we that they're gonna be negatively impacted, um, often we'll be the ones that end up cleaning that that up. Um, hence why I want to do an episode on invisible labor because this is something that I really, really care about. Because to me, if we want to see a world where there's win-wins and everybody's thriving, it starts with women thriving. We know all the research points to this that when women are doing well, the collective does better, communities do better. So we've got to start with with women, but it's like that won't happen unless we address invisible labor, unless we address like the conditioning that women have had. Um, like that won't change. So we have to start having these conversations, we have to start calling stuff out, we have to learn to be kinder to ourselves, we have to learn to um give ourselves more grace, we have to learn to give other women more grace. And the transformation came for me is I had to stop trying to be so good, whatever that means. But like I had to, when I was trying to be good all the time, when I was trying to be a good wife and a good friend and a good parent and a good daughter and a good sibling and a good coach and all of these things, it didn't give me any grace. And I had to focus on instead being like, okay, what's what's well for me, what what helps me to take care of myself, and what's well for one person will vary massively. You know, if you're somebody who has good health versus somebody that is struggling with their health, that's going to look very Very different, but what actually is like basically serving you, and I had to kind of be like, is some of the things that I'm doing, is some of the people, like some of the situations, I had to be willing to look at that, and there was grief with that, and there was there was heartache, and there was things that I I had to to change. I had to um one of the things that I say to people is like sometimes we have to choose our pain to choose our joy. And what I mean by that is like I had to be like, okay, if I walk away from this situation or I set a boundary with this or I say no to this, some people aren't gonna like it. And there's gonna be pain there and there's gonna be discomfort and all of that. But if I keep like keep going with this, nothing's going to change. And by doing that, then I ended up having a life where I had like beautiful relationships and I could have beautiful friendships, and the things that were just causing problems, like they could change, and then I could have a life of more joy and all of that. But I had to walk through like some really fucking heartbreaking things at times, and oh, I had to like let things go, and I had to um sometimes let people go, and I had to learn to um stick up for myself and advocate for myself and to say the thing that nobody else wanted to say at times, and sometimes I had to learn to not say anything and to be like, I'm not fighting anymore. Like I'm I'm not gonna try and convince you, I'm not gonna try and change you, I'm not gonna try and get you to see something. And I had to start really valuing myself, and I had to literally like hold like hold a standard because as women we have been taught to tolerate some bullshit. Like I see all the time, and um people will say, Oh, you know, but they're a good man and they're good this and they're good that, and then I'll I'll question them on it, and I'm like, okay, that's like that's just bare minimum. Like, okay, this person is is faithful, this person is kind, this person is like all of these things that I don't want to ever take for granted. But I'm like, like, that doesn't make like somebody good, and yet for women, the goalpost just keeps moving. Women are taught to keep everybody happy, to monitor everybody's moods, if somebody's unhappy, to fix it, to fawn. Um, and the biggest transformation came for me where it was like I had to learn to be okay with people having moods and people not liking it, and to offend people, and to polarize people, and to fucking piss some people off. And I'll give you an example. I did an event recently, right? And there was this dude who was also there, and he also had a stall, and he kept coming over to my stall and like making comments and stuff, like he did not like that I was talking to women, and women were coming over to me, and I was teaching women how to get what they want, which just exposes him because why wouldn't you want women to get what they want? Why would you not want women to thrive? We have a massive um in like heterosexual relationships, we have a massive sort of gap where women often end up, even if she's the breadwoman, doing like a disproportionate amount of invisible labour, the orgasm gap is huge. Why do you not want women to get what they want? You only don't want that if you're used to basically getting what you want and you don't care if she's not set up to win. Like, so many people are so used to exploiting women to the point where some people don't even realize they're doing it. It's just ordinary. And I see this all the time, and I'm just like, no, like, what do you want? And you're gonna have to break some fucking rules. And I don't mean, of course, anything illegal, but I mean as in societal sort of kind of norms that we've accepted. So things like calling men who just do things that women do all the time good men, when actually just be bare minimum. When um you desire more and um you want to have a better sex life, or you might not care about that. But like whatever it is for you, it's like we have to be willing to to break some norms. Maybe you want to earn some really, really good money, and oh my gosh, how taboo is that for women? You know, it's kind of like don't be all about the money, don't be all about this. Who is that serving? Because so many women are stuck. This is something I really care about, really pisses me off because so many women are stuck in relationships that they cannot leave, and they have been told, don't focus on money. No, bitch, you you need money. Like, you need money. Like, and I know like people will be like, oh well, we're chasing money and capitalism and all of those things. Yes, we can look at those things, but women need money. Like two things can be true, and I just I'm so sick of like so much bullshit. I am sick of the conditioning women get, like, you know, around how they how they choose to um, you know, whether they choose to wear makeup or not wear makeup, how they choose to age. It's like if you wear makeup, if you do this, like you're called vain, you're called um superficial, but if you don't, you you're taught that you're letting yourself go. And then when women really struggle um with like body image and all of these things, like we make out as if like there is something wrong with her rather than well, of course, because we are obsessed with how women look, and then when women do actually focus on how they look, they're like, Well, she's vain. Um, like there's there's just so much fucking bullshit. And one of the things that I did this year that I'm really, really proud of is I just started owning like I like nice things and I like money and I'm a little bit bougie. And it's just like, you know what, there are so many worse things to to be in the world, but it's like we want to focus on on like pulling women apart. You know, we we talk about people being authentic, but then when we when they are, we judge it. We judge it rather than going, hey, okay, I know you like this thing and I know you're into this thing. Maybe we can find a way of doing this that is actually, again, good for your long-term wellness. Like there's a huge difference in that. Because it can be something that we we can just chase and chase and chase things, right? And still never feel enough and still never feel good about our lives, right? But that's that comes down to we've never learned to sit and and and feel and to be with ourselves and be connected to ourselves. At this event that I was like talking about where this guy was unhappy, I was doing a talk there, and one of the things I talked about is we were talking about emotional alchemy, and I was talking about, you know, like basically our soul metabolism, I call it. And I was talking about learning to to know what's enough for you and what's not, and how that varies massively from one person to to another. Because just like we have different metabolisms when it comes to to food, we also have a different metabolism in terms of like, you know, other everything, to be honest. Everything. And anything can become something that we just keep chasing to kind of try to um fill a void because we don't feel enough or or we feel too much. But equally, also, if we can learn to be with ourselves and to, you know, alchemize and metabolize and digest things, we also start feeling um better. We start feeling more fulfilled, we start knowing our worth. And we see people all the time that they just they have more and they have more and they have more. Like, look at the the billionaires, right? Who need to keep getting power over other people because their soul is is empty. Like they are not connected to themselves because otherwise you don't need to keep accumulating more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and gain power over people. You don't. It's the difference between, and I'm gonna use food as an example for a moment, right? But it's the difference between, right, you get somebody, right? And I'm gonna use the example of binge eating, because I used to binge eat, right? And you'd eat, I'd eat and eat and eat and eat, and then I'd feel shit about myself afterwards, and that cycle would like continue and continue and continue, right? Because I didn't feel fully on a soul level nourished. When you feel like on a soul level, contented and feel good, you don't binge eat anymore. That's the reality, okay? And then I had to learn, and it's like, so it's like the difference between somebody who's that and then somebody who just has, you know, one meal and they're like, oh my gosh, this this is this is so fucking good. And they feel satiated and they feel satisfied and they know they're gonna get hungry again, but it doesn't become this cycle. Why? Because they are feeling, they are connected to themselves. And this is what I teach women like connect to yourself, own what you want. And when I say own what you want, and this is what I was talking about on my talk, right? I don't mean necessarily act on it, right? I don't necessarily mean that, although sometimes it does serve women, right? I mean own what you want, and then from there we can be like, okay, what's coming up, like connect with self, and we can then contain it. And when I say contain it, I don't mean like squash it down, try to control yourself because the more we try to control ourselves, it doesn't work as as humans. We just we have a natural desire to want to feel free. We don't like to be told what I this this varies from person to person, but a lot of us don't like to be told what to do unless it's like some sort of consensual, you know, I don't know, kinky dynamic or something, you know, sometimes for some people, not everybody, right? But as a whole, most of us don't like to be pigeon-hold. Like we want to feel free, we want to live authentic to ourselves. That's why it feels shit when um we're not able to do that. And everybody loses from that because eventually, like it shows up in your relationships, and then relationships fall apart. It just doesn't work. So when I say like own what you want, I mean like own what you want and then create a container so that you can go about what you want in a way that is good for your long-term well-being. The example that I often give to people is right, say, say you've got a kid, right? And they want to go and just like play out in the road, right? We obviously can't let them play in the road because they'll end up dead. So you have to get that child, and then you're like, hey, he's a field, right? Go run, run free, right? There's there's a container, right? This is the same with ourselves, right? You not owning what you want doesn't change it, right? Even if you've been taught what you want is bad, is unrealistic, is makes you a sinner, like whatever it is, right? Half the time that's not true, but you know, that's society for you, right? But some things might not be good for you to to go for, right? So it's like, okay, I need to own what I want. And if acting on this thing is not going to be good for me, so for instance, I don't know, maybe you fancy the fucking neighbor, right? But you are like, okay, well, that's gonna like blow up my life, and actually this person wouldn't even be good for me, like if I'm really, really honest with myself, okay. But if I own what I want, right? And owning what you want doesn't mean you have to tell anybody else, but it means you own to yourself, hey, I fancy this person, whatever it is for you, right? That's just an example, and then you're like, okay, I'm gonna contain it. And for some people, it might be like, actually, you know what? It's it's it's it's it's it's worth it. Like, I, if I'm really honest with myself, like I don't want the life that I've got anymore. And they might decide to to act on it, or they might be like, I'm not gonna act on this, but I am gonna make some changes in my life. And that's when the answers start coming. That is when the alchemy starts coming. It doesn't come by you pretending you don't want what you want, it doesn't come by suppressing it, right? The alchemy always comes with some grief, with some dysregulation, with some despair. It never comes by pretending we don't want more if we do want more, right? But it also never comes by just chasing, chasing, chasing. You know, like I see this where people are like, you know, they'll keep um pursuing habits and stuff that aren't good for them, or they'll keep chasing people and like chasing chemistry and they'll chase all these things, and then it always blows up and they never feel good. But it's like if they could own what they want and then be with that and then contain it. It's kind of like the example of like the phone, right? When the phone was on a wire, right, we were all more free. Now we can take our phones everywhere, but we get so addicted to them, and you know, we can connect with people all around the world, but yet we are we feel less free, right? So it's not about taking the the things away, it is about um containing them, it is about having boundaries, it is about being able to sit with ourselves by acknowledging when we want more, by connecting with what I call our life force energy, which is like your emotions, your your feelings, your desires, your resistance, all of these things, that's all speaking to you. And it doesn't mean like acting on those things, it's like be with it. Because when you can be with yourself and you can love on yourself and you can be kind to yourself and you can be compassionate with yourself and you can hold yourself, you will start knowing what to do, and you will start living a more liberated life, and you will put up with less bullshit, and you will break some fucking rules that society has told you to just tolerate and go along with. You will get the courage and you will get the conviction to start making moves and to start changing things, right? But when you're squashing it all down, tell you what happens, you you keep doing things that um isn't in your best interest. So it could be like relationships that you and know are not good for you. It could be, you know, like chasing um, you know, like these quick hits that actually don't help you feel contented, they don't uh nourish you, you know, like what I said about that soul metabolism, they don't actually feel um they don't actually feel good for you, like because they're not actually nourishing you. And because we're not connected to ourselves, what happens is and because we don't want to sit with that pain and we don't want to sit with that grief and we don't want to um we don't want to challenge the status quo, things don't change. And women have just been taught to just tolerate things, like just keep tolerating and just keep blaming yourself and just keep policing yourself, and it's like let's change that. I've got so much to say, and I've got so much to add to this, but I'm gonna leave it there because I can keep adding to going into more talking about like connecting with yourself and talking about alchemy and talking about all of these things, but we have to start. You know what I said about like letting it all land and metabolise? We have to do this in in like pieces in in like one bit at a time. Like let it land. So I'm gonna end it there. I'm gonna be back next Monday with another podcast episode. Tune in next Monday. If you've got a friend or other people that you know this would benefit, send it to them. Do share this if you share it on um social media. Make sure you you tag me in. You can also text the show if you have any questions, if there's any topic that you want me to cover. And if you do want to work with me, go to KirstyDee.com and you'll find out all the information there to work with me. But until next week, I hope you have the most wonderful day or wonderful evening, depending on when you're listening to this. And I will chat to you then. Bye.