Truth & Transformation

I FAILED ALL MY GOALS; FAILING FORWARD

• Kirsty Dee • Season 5 • Episode 39

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Want the truth about failure without the fluff? Well in this episode I go there. I share the three big goals I missed this year—a book deadline that expanded beyond its container, a business target that didn’t land, and a fitness milestone tied to turning 40—and what each miss reveals about timelines, resources and integrity. No euphemisms, no toxic positivity. Just real talk about consequences and the choices we make when the result actually impacts our lives.

We explore the tension between journey and destination and why holding the and matters more than ever. I unpack how alignment isn’t a pretty slogan but a set of constraints that shape your methods and pace. We talk money and stability without shame, why misaligned tactics aren’t wins even when they “work,” and how to build foundations through micro changes that compound into meaningful progress. You’ll also hear how the book took on a life of its own, why pushing for a photo-ready fitness peak would be unsafe, and how reframing goals can protect both body and creativity.

Comparison gets a reality check too. Different bodies, skills, inner critics and privileges create different baselines, so measure against your truth, not someone else’s highlight reel. And if public failure makes you want to hide, here’s your nudge to let people see you try, miss, and try again. Resilience builds self-trust—and it’s the quiet engine behind sustainable success. If you’re ready to set clearer navigation points, name what didn’t work, and go again with better methods, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review—then tell me: what goal will you risk failing for next?

More from me at KirstyDee.com

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SPEAKER_00:

This is season five of the Truth and Transformation Podcast. This is a podcast all on living a life wildly authentic to you. It's raw, it's real, it's vulnerable, it's explicit, it's unedited. I'm your host, Kirsty D. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello, hello, hello, lovelies. Today I want to talk to you about not being in life where you want to be, about failing, things not being like you having a goal, you having a desire, there's something that you want and you haven't achieved, or you have gone for something and and you failed, and you you you didn't hit it, it didn't happen. I want to talk about that today. So as I'm recording this, it is as always, like I I I bring this in a lot for context. I'm recording this two weeks before Christmas. I recorded this episode and the one from last week or on the same day. I'm reflecting at the end of the year on the things in 2025 that um goals that I'd set, and did I and did I hit them or not? And for you, it's like there may be things that you wanna achieve that that you that you that you haven't, and or like goals you're gonna be setting now, and you're worried about you know failing, you're worried about not hitting it. And I want to talk about this because this is so important because failure's gonna happen, things are gonna come up that it's like, oh, that didn't quite go as I wanted it to go. And you know what's also gonna happen, like successes and things that do go, but it's part of life. Sometimes, you know, you're not always gonna hit it, and I feel like we need to have a conversation around that because as I say, I've like you know, wrapped up 2020, and there were three goals that I really wanted to achieve, and I, you know, like really honed in on what I wanted to achieve and got like really loads of focus and did the middle of the year, like a mid-year reset. Like, where am I going? What do I want? And I really believe in the power of that work and like setting that navigation point because I just a firm believer if you don't set the GPS, then life will steer you, and then it's often not in a place you want it to be, and then we look around and I I talk about this all the time, but then we just don't feel so good, and we just don't feel so fulfilled, and it's also not about that um corny cliche of like it's about the journey and like not the destination. Um, for me, it's like those things are true, it is about the journey, and also sometimes it is about the destination, and I've probably contradicted this before and like said different things, but it I'm thinking today, uh what if it's it's both, and in different seasons I might say different things depending on context and and all of that, but like sometimes we do need to get somewhere, like sometimes there there is a result, you know, um that needs that needs to happen sometimes. Um that that matters, you know, like we know there's problems with like giving kids, for instance, participation awards and not being able to sit with the fact that no, sometimes you you do lose, and sometimes you don't like make the thing, and we've become so afraid of that it's problematic, and and yes, also sometimes it's more than that, it is about the journey, it's an and conversation. And for me, if I think about the journey of 2025, it it was a journey, and like that's what it's about, and life is about that, and also I didn't hit destination points that I wanted to hit that that mattered to me, that I care about, and I set three goals and I failed every single one, every single one, not one of my goals did I hit. Not one, set three, did not hit one. Now, and the reason I share this is because we don't talk about that enough. Like, we see people sharing their wins and all of that, and I I think that's I think that's important. Like, I I I feel like we have been conditioned, particularly as women, as like play small, don't don't share those things, you know, don't get too big for your britches. And I for me, when I've seen people achieve things, it's kind of show me what's possible. And yeah, sometimes we've got to be careful because it can cause like comparison and all of that, and social media can be like a highlight reel and all of that, so we've got to take that into account, hence why I'm doing this episode. But we often don't hear people talking about it's like, yeah, I I I failed, like I didn't hit it, and I think that's why I want to do this episode to like share that that part of you know, when I said it's like an and thing to share the journey. I didn't achieve like any of the three goals I set. Not one, not two, not like three, three things I set, and all three I didn't achieve. And I just think we need to talk about this. And when I talk about this, some people get uncomfortable and they're like, there's no such thing as failure, it's only failure if if you quit, and I think that and and and again it's an and thing. I I agree, and sometimes, yeah, no, actually, if like it there is a failure, and it's that's not a dirty word, and when we when we I believe in reframing things if it's helpful, and sometimes maybe it would be helpful in a certain situation, but that is a blueprint, like as a generalized blueprint, I don't think it's helpful because if we can't be comfortable with the fact that failure exists, we're going to have to make it sound prettier than it is, so that we can like kind of tolerate it because we don't feel comfortable with somebody going, I I failed. And then we can't be with those raw emotions, and sometimes it will just feel like a failure. And and and there's there's nuance to this and there's context to this. Like, for me, like I don't feel like a failure for not hitting these things, but like, am I like, oh, that's shit, and like, does it feel good? No. And was there technically a failing in terms of I didn't hit it in the in in the time frame? Yes, and like there's no good me kind of pretending because otherwise it takes away from the potency of you know, like hitting it on a certain certain time, and yes, there's all sorts of nuances to this and conditioning and all of that, but there are times when um we do need to hit certain things at a certain time in in in life, and I know this is like a really uncomfortable conversation, and I and I do know there is conditioning to a lot of these things from society conditioning of like you have to hit this by a certain time, right? But sometimes it's it's not that like say you've got a deadline for for work or something, like and you don't hit it, there can be consequences to that. So I think not acknowledging it, like that's also problematic. And for me, the consequences of not achieving these things aren't aren't like that, like these are more like society things of like you need to hit things at a certain time, but also they weren't. It's it's I wanted to hit them by the end of the year because there is a consequence for me of like, okay, then I've got to um continue to work on them, and yes, that's like part of the journey, but then it takes away from other things. So by not acknowledging that, you know, sometimes it matters to us and it impacts our lives by not hitting certain things on a certain timeline. Like, I don't think that's also helpful either. I think it's an and thing. Yes, we need to look at where we have been conditioned that we need to hit certain things by a certain time and be pushing for all of these things. Yeah, like we need to look at that and we need to look at when that isn't serving us. But this other extreme of um sort of dancing around and not wanting to acknowledge that sometimes there is failure, or at least it feels that way, and that that doesn't feel good, but it's also part of it, I think is also important, and I think it also matters, and I think also having the conversation and hearing um more that, like, hey, keep going. This is this is normal, we just don't talk about it enough. Like, nobody really shares and kind of goes, Hey, I failed at this, hey, I filled at that, hey, I failed at this. And and of course, there's a there's also a um a beauty to this as well. Like we don't want somebody being self-deprecating and just focusing on everything that they failed at. But I also think by not seeing that, we often like we're just we know this, we're just seeing somebody's like the tip of the iceberg. And we're not seeing all the the things where something didn't work out, where they were in tears, when they were in like frustrated, when they when they they didn't hit it, when like it looked like it wasn't gonna happen, when there was detours, when there was challenges, like when they missed the mark, when they failed so splendidly that they just felt really embarrassed and they felt um maybe even depressed. Like, I don't think we're having that conversation enough. And then what happens is people go, I can't do this. Like, um, I I tried and I, you know, failed and it didn't happen. Like, I I launched this thing and nobody came and I launched nothing and nobody came and I launched another thing and nobody came and blah blah blah. Or um I pursued this person and they weren't interested, and then I, you know, asked somebody else out and they weren't interested. Like, we don't hear about the knockbacks and all of that because often we're embarrassed about them. And I just think if we if we heard that more rather than I hit all of my goals and I achieved this this month and I achieved that, like, I I think those conversations also are important too. Like, I know sometimes people get their bee in the boner around the highlight reel and and and all of that. But I but I also think those things do also matter. Like, I think for me, it kind of shows me what's possible, and and I also think it's important that um we also see what we've achieved and we we document those things because I know sometimes I will forget, and it's so easy to kind of look, look back and um I mean not look back and like not see how far we've come, but if you look back and you see these kind of like memories and all of that, you're like, oh, I've actually achieved a lot, and my brain will just focus on all the things that I haven't done, and I know it can cause problems, and sometimes we can you know compare ourselves and and all of that, but then I also think that's an opportunity to see where you do that, and you know, clean that up, and clean that up might look like for whatever reason I'm not vibing with this person, I need to maybe this is not somebody that's good for me to follow, but it's like if you have to mute everybody that is sharing good things and you're never inspired, maybe there's a discomfort with um the the like with with failing, and there's there's not enough no um normalized conversations around like that's that's everybody and yeah you're seeing the highlight reel, but but also there there is there has been failures, and we need to we need to have a conversation of both and but it's also like we have to get okay with with failing and and also we have to get not okay with it, it's it's a and like I'm this is kind of something that's coming through for me a lot with everything. It's like and and and and it's like this truth can be true and so can this, and sometimes they oppose each other, and it seems like they they don't go together, but it's like the and and they do, and the irony, and this is so important as I say three goals I set in 2025, all of them I didn't hit every single one I'm saying as if there's a lot, there's only three, but the point is I only set three and I didn't just set any goals, I I set three things that I really care about, and it's sucky that I didn't achieve them. And here's what I'm doing because it's sucky, and it's sucky because they matter to me, and I care about them. I am going again. It's that thing of like fail forward, learn from it, refine. I probably talked about this on the episode about like getting laser focused on what you want, but it's like if there isn't an area in your life that um actually rewind, if there's areas in your life that you are not fully satisfied, you are not fully fulfilled, then address them and get really clear on how you want to feel in those areas, what needs to change, and set the navigation point, like set yourself something, some sort of goal. And like sometimes we're scared to do that. Why? Because well, what if I fail? What if it's uncomfortable? All of that. Like, start with the the easiest thing that it would be for you to to to go at. Like just small micro changes, things that are sustainable, like it adds up, like that compound effect adds up. And for me, because I um like set this navigation point often, and it's something that I often reflect on. I had three very specific goals, and I don't want to repeat myself too much because I know I've talked about this on other episodes, but it's like I still want those things, and I'm still going for those things, and those things still matter to me, and I could be like, oh, well, it didn't happen, and like throw in the towel. And there are times I talk about this all the time, to to quit things, and like that is the right thing to do, and to pivot things, not everything's for you. Sometimes you go on a path and you go on that journey and you realize uh-uh, I need to get off. Like, this isn't this isn't the thing I thought it was, and I achieved it, and it's not the thing. And for some people, they need to not set goals because they're constantly trying to get to some end destination, and like that's not the thing for them. Um, and they just need to learn to be, and they they are the and person that needs to just be with the journey and stop looking for things outside of them, outside achievements to create fulfillment. But for some people, it's like they are so scared to to set something because they're like they're scared to fail, and they they they actually probably need to be setting some sort of navigation point for them, but they don't have that belief in themselves that they can do it, and they they just don't think it's possible, maybe they feel a bit um overwhelmed, and it's like okay, so maybe that's what you need to look at, like your life in general, like if you constantly feel overwhelmed, like are there some just small micro changes that you can make. So for me, there were three goals that I've set, and I've talked about these before in previous episodes, so I don't want to go into them too much, but I just want to go over them quickly just to give some kind of context. One of them was my book I wanted to get out in 2025. And if you listen to last week's episode, you'll talk, you'll hear me talk about how the book has been became bigger than I thought. So I just don't know. Like it's such a big thing now. Like, I'm like, it's laughable that I thought it would come out in 2025 because it's just so much bigger that I just at this point have no idea when it's gonna come out. Because it's it's so much bigger, like it's took on its life of its own. Like I have no idea. I know when I'd like it to come out, I'd like it to come out in 2026 summertime, because I'd like to celebrate the book being out on the beach when the weather's really nice, right? That's when I'd like it to come out. I at this point, if you as I say, if you listen to last week's episode, like it's become so much bigger as I'm editing it, and things are like coming through, but it's just not quite right, and so I just don't know. Like, I just don't know. And but because it matters to me, I have to acknowledge that yeah, yeah, it sucks that like it's it's not, but also there is a beauty in this failure, failure, in quote, and this is this is where like I do think that thing of like there's no such thing as failure is problematic, but like sometimes there is a truth in that again, the and thing of like this book not being out, it both feels like a failure and it's not because it feels like something bigger. And I think that ha is what happens for most of us if we if we can be with that, if we can it. That sometimes not being like some at a destination at a result can can be sucky. The the end of it's both and there's something else and there are consequences to not being there and sometimes they can lead to better outcomes and better the irony is circumstances, like the consequences in that short term that weren't so good can lead to better in the long term and I just think there is always there's always an alchemy that we can create But only if we can acknowledge that sometimes it just feels like we didn't hit it. Like I did things in 2025 that I'm really, really proud of, but I don't feel like 2025 was my year. I don't feel like it was a year that I nailed things. Um I feel like 2025 was a lot of refining and a lot of putting foundations in place, and I think we just don't talk about that enough. And it was a lot of like, you know, the you hear these sayings of like um failure is the price of admission. Like it feels like that. There was a lot of things that just didn't work out, that just didn't pan out, and like that's that's all part of it, like, and I think like we don't talk about that enough. Um so that was one of my goals. Didn't achieve. I also had a business goal that I splendidly just missed, didn't hit it, like nowhere near. Like I I nowhere near, like I completely tanked at getting anywhere near this business goal that that I had. And it matters to me. I still wanna, I still wanna hit it. Like it's still um it's still important to me because it it represents um this work that I'm doing getting bigger and and more growth. And I that matters to me so much because I just think like this work getting out there in the world matters, and it also matters that I am financially in a really good, secure, stable place because like I can't like none of us can really operate in the world to our best if we're not financially in overflow. And I did an episode in 2025 talking about like money, and like so the consequence of me not hitting that business school is a consequence of not being financially as in as in the position that I'd like to be in. And that fucking sucks, it sucks, and I just think we need to talk about that, like we need to be like not this, oh there's no such thing, and blah blah blah. Like, no, no, there isn't such thing, there is a consequence to me not achieving this business thing, and it sucks. And I often don't like to talk about when I've had business failures, one because my ego, but also people will come and they'll give me advice about growing my business and all of that, and it's like no no no, but the thing that has been really, really successful in 2025 is I'm building my business and I'm doing life on my terms so authentically to me, and I'm not willing to kind of compromise on that. So, yes, there's some stuff to to figure out because for me it's it's not one or the other, like I don't care about your ways and your methods, because if they feel icky on me, even if I achieve this business goal, it's not a fucking win. Because it's it doesn't feel aligned for me. So I am working out how to correct the result because the result actually matters, because that has an impact on the quality of my life, but the journey also has to be part of it, like it has to feel aligned, it has to feel right for me, it has to feel authentic to me, it has to feel like this way I can I can live with this. Is like this is the lifestyle and the thing that I wanted. And um there was a lot of lifestyle changes in 2025 that were beautiful and were the alchemy that I wanted. And so there was lots of things like that that absolutely that I was just like, oh my gosh, like you've achieved this thing and and and and that thing, and like you're living it. There was that too. But there was these, I guess, kind of like what I would consider as like, you know, if you think of the feminine and the masculine dynamics, like masculine kind of um like result-oriented things that I wanted to achieve that I didn't, and I think sometimes in the in the kind of feminine space, we don't talk about like sometimes there are certain like masculine things that it's important to achieve because when you have that um those foundations in place, and this is really a conversation around like you know, like privilege and being resourced and all of that, it can help you drop into your feminine and to be in um that kind of like softness, but it's like if you are you know like not in overflow and you are like worrying about certain things like money and like all of that, and in 2025, like um, I'll be honest with you, like I've handled it really, really well, and I'm really really proud of how I've dealt with things, um, but financially just not great. Um you know, very blessed, very abundant in like so many ways, and I just want to acknowledge that and like my privilege with that, but like yeah, like financially, just I just like like a lot of people, um just just not and and I just I hate I I hate talking about it, I feel really uncomfortable talking about it because being a coach, obviously, there's lots of other coaches, and they all just think oh, my way is different, and you need to do it my way, and like I have the answers, and I have just I've talked about this before, but been in so many of those spaces, and I'm like, I I I it's just it's just not. I have finally learned that my way is is is is the way for me, and and that doesn't mean that I haven't got things to learn, it doesn't mean that you know I'm not a student because I clearly have things to learn because if if I didn't I would have hit certain things. Um and I think even when you hit certain things, there's always things to learn. But I think one of my big learnings has been to unlearn stuff and to not think other people have better answers about the way than than I do. And I think this is the thing, like when we're talking about like that's all part of it, of like the things that didn't work out also show you like not my way, not that. And that is where the the the failure, there's such beauty in it. Like all of those people's advice on like money and all of that that I listened to, like I I was supposed to, so that I could realize that was not my path. That was not my way, like that is not how I'm supposed to do business because I don't like doing business that way. It fucking sucks, it doesn't feel good, it doesn't, it's just not the thing. I had to experience that. I had to experience that one, it didn't work, it didn't get me the results I want, but even if it had, it wouldn't have been success for me. It just wouldn't have. So that's the other thing. And then the last goal, which technically, technically haven't failed actually on this one because I said it was a 2025 goal, but I also said it was also a um 2025 goal, but also like before I'm 40. And as I'm recording this, I'm not 40 yet, I've got over two months to go. Um but it's just so the last goal was I wanted to get in my best shape for my 40th, right? Now I've got over two months to go, but it's also not it if I hurt myself, that obviously wouldn't be me getting into the best shape, and two months realistically, like I it's just it's let's just say it, and again, I I I feel hesitation saying this because I'm so conditioned in the coaching and spiritual field of like, don't say it because what you say you'll manifest, and if you say it, then it won't happen, and all of that. And there's a real kind of truth in kind of identity work of like if we keep telling ourselves a certain story, then we do become the stories that we that we tell ourselves. We really have to be careful with that, right? So I I really get that, but the nuanced piece is we do also live on the human realm where there is a timeline and things impact the human body, and you know what happens if the human body pushes themselves too far to try and achieve a goal, uh human body gets hurt. I only have two months to go, and I'm so like I'm not I'm not there, and and I'm not close to being there. I've come a long way, I've achieved a lot. So this is where we do have to sometimes be realistic. I'm not gonna be my fittest ever by my 40th. Can I be a lot, lot, lot fitter? Yes. So I'm just gonna carry it over. I'm gonna become my fittest in my 40s. I'm gonna just and you know what? Isn't that like better? Like, I mean, not trying to bypass that like I didn't hit it because like, yeah, I would have loved to have hit it. But it's like I don't want this to be a junk food thing of like I get really fit for my 40s, but it's not like it sounds corny, but it's not a lifestyle thing, and then I just get unfit again. No, like I I want to be that's just just who I am, and that's who I've become. I've become somebody that really looks after my body and really paying attention to to my whole ones because they've been like my cycle's been all over the place, there's been a lot of things to sort of navigate, and um just I've had to work on like um like rehabilitation and all of that. So whilst I've been um sorting out sort of problems with I'm gonna say injury, but it wasn't really an injury, but like pain, physical pain in my body, whilst I've been addressing that, it's meant I've had to focus on that, and that means it's things have taken longer. So I have definitely been fitter before in my life, and so for me to not cause myself more injury and all of that, I have to work with my body, which is also being our fittest. That's that's the irony. I'm not gonna hit it and be my fittest be by 40. I'm gonna be a hell of a lot closer than where from where I started when I decided that that was what I was going for. But I have technically with the time frame quote unquote failed. And there's just there's beauty in that. There's beauty in that. Some things it sucks, and and yeah, ideally it that wouldn't have happened, and yeah, it is a little bit sucky, but it's like a champagne problem sucky. Some failures are not champagne problems, they're just really fucking hard. It really depends on on context. But I wanted to just do this episode of like, what do you need to let yourself fail on and keep going with? Because this process is not linear, life is not linear. If you have got habits and you have got things that don't serve you, you're gonna fail a bunch of times before you break through. And I'm telling you this not so that you kind of manifest that failure because you're like, oh well, I believe I failed, so I will fail. No, no, I'm telling you this so that you don't. As in, if you know that is part of the process, you will at some point achieve a lot of the shit that you want to achieve in your life. But if if if you think that like that you going quote unquote backwards means that that's it and you can't do it, you won't. But if you realize that is part of it, the getting knocked down, that something not working out, the the the setbacks, the challenges, the the not hitting the time frame that you wanted to hit, if you realize that is the process, that is part of it, that the failing is also part of the success, it's also part of you know championing on something, it is also part of getting to the destination that you want to get, because sometimes destination does matter, and also don't forget the journey, don't be like focused and striving so much that you forget while you're doing it and what matters to you, like and that is one of the things that I'm really, really proud of, and that's one of the things that like I I don't think I've ever forgotten. Like, I'm not saying that I haven't had my moments where I've kind of lost my kind of wear a bit. Again, that's all part of it. I you know, like I I I do last week's episode. I talk about like um being kind of unsure, knowing where I'm going, but also like I don't know how it all looks. But it's like we have to you have to realize that that it is it is both. I I'm I'm really one of the things that I'm really, really, really, really proud of is that I've always come back to checking in with myself and the journey. I'm like, that's not it. That's not it. This is not my way, this is not my path. I don't care if that could get me more clients, I don't care if that could make me more popular. I don't care if that could make me more money. I like I don't care. Like that is like integrity is so important to me. I'm like, that is not my way, that is not my path. I I like if it ruffles some feathers, if it if I if I lose some people, is that shit? Yes, but I I'm not going to this other way. Like I'm not kind of kind of, you know, that thing of like I'm not gonna sell my soul, like that's not my way, that's not my path. And what I've always come back to is like, if I can't do it in a way that is aligned for me, I'm I'm not doing it. Like, I'm not doing it. And that way I have been so fierce and so successful in in that way, and it as I said, the other way doesn't work work anyway. It's like you're you you start breaking down, it's not sustainable, and and I just think we just need to talk about that, and also as I say, so like that, I'm so big on the journey. So when people say that, I'm like, yeah, what you're saying, yes. But can we hold the and that I can speak from very personal experience, the result at times does matter, and the people who say it doesn't are often coming from a very privileged place. Like it is easy for for somebody that um you know uh doesn't have financial worries, and and I also want to add the new ones here, right? I know people who have a lot of money and still worry about money, right? So I'm not bypassing that that there's not a truth when they say, like, you know, money doesn't fix all your problems. That that's also a truth, but we have to acknowledge, and this is not just about money, this is this is any situation where somebody has something that in some way is positively benefiting their life, that they are right in saying that the it's not the answer to everything, and there there is challenges, and I don't want to take away from that, and especially if somebody has worked really, really hard, but also you know what's also happened? Some people have worked really, really hard and not achieved the things because of circumstances, because of systemic systems, and like all of those things, and I think it's a very privileged take to then go, oh, it doesn't matter, and like that's not the thing, it's like it's an and thing, like that's also true, and also we all need to acknowledge that some of us just for whatever reason certain things haven't happened, and it's not their fault, but it is a really systemic thing, and yes, I believe you can break through on those things, and and the way to break through on those things is one to take care of yourself, it has to be sustainable to that. Is where the not comparing yourself and letting the timeline go does matter, but it's also this conversation that we're having right now is you have to know that it is normal to fail, that everybody around you, every single person that you know, even the people that are seemingly slaying it, they have all failed so many fucking times. And they continue to, they just aren't talking about it. Because they don't want to lose credibility. You know, the the the coaches that are um you know out there and they're talking about like making X amount of money and stuff, they and not all of them, some of them are great. Some of them like we talk about this, and and like some of them I absolutely just love and adorative and and they have really, you know, helped me with so many things, but some of them don't talk about that they fail all the time and and they get things wrong, and maybe in certain areas they uh they they don't, they have mastered certain areas, but before they mastered it, I'm telling you, they failed a bunch, and occasionally you might get somebody like I don't know that is just an a a natural genius and has a natural skill set, like we know there are you know child geniuses that are like born with just super crazy mathematic abilities and are just people can't compare, yes, occasionally, but generally anybody that is really slaying an area of their life like they've really worked at that and they've really crafted it, and yes, it sometimes there is a a more natural skill set, like, and again, we have to we have to acknowledge that, and sometimes people who have that cannot see that, and it's again it's not to take away that that you know they don't work hard and all of that, but there's still a natural skill set, like um so for instance, like I I've talked about this before, but I struggle with coordination and all of that, and when I go into a space that requires coordination and and and all of that, right? It's it's really important that I acknowledge to myself that I really struggle with this thing because otherwise I can really compare myself in a way that doesn't help me with somebody else who doesn't have the same struggles. And it's not to say that they don't have maybe coordination struggles, it's not to say that they aren't working really, really hard. Like it's not taking away from that, but it's to acknowledge that they don't have the same level. And this also goes the other way. There's always going to be somebody worse off. There will be people who find it even harder than I do. And this is the same with everything. There are some people who naturally have a better skill set to communicate with other people, to, you know, really be able to sell themselves. And it's not to say that they haven't worked hard and they've not done work there, but it's just it comes easier to them. And sometimes we don't acknowledge those sort of you know privileges, and somebody else, it's like it's really incredibly difficult. And anything that somebody is really, really, really, really slaying at, there is, and again, I'm not trying to take away that it's not been difficult for them, but I'm telling you, there is there is something there, whether it's they had some resources, they that that other people didn't have, um, or there's some sort of more natural, more fluent skill set. Like you think about the school system, like there are just people that are more academic than others. And that doesn't mean they don't work hard, and it doesn't mean they don't have challenges, and it doesn't mean they don't have struggles. In fact, sometimes the most academic person can have the most other struggles. But it's like both can exist, and I know I have things that I probably don't even acknowledge that I have just more skill sets than other people, like a more natural ability. And if I'm to compare myself, I might not even realize it because I'll compare myself to because we always we often compare ourselves to somebody who's doing better. I might not acknowledge it because I'm comparing myself to somebody that's got even that more than me. But I will, and you will too. There are things that are just so much more natural to you that you won't even realize. And we can sometimes take that for granted. Um, or there may be privileges that you have that if you were to compare yourself, you wouldn't see, or maybe you are so aware of, and actually you shame yourself and beat yourself up for that, and you kind of think, well, I should be further along because I'm in a much better position than other people, and and that your struggle there is you have a more fierce inner critic than somebody else, and you're dealing with that, like somebody who, and this is something that I've dealt with my whole life. Somebody who, like we all have an inner critic, but there are some people's that is like 24-7, doesn't shut up, questions everything, and other people's it's like it's a lot more time. And I just think we need to acknowledge that in life there are all these things that mean you know, whether it's an inner critic that's really feral, um, whether it's things happen in life that make things very difficult, you're going to fail at a bunch of things in life. And don't let that failure. And then in this time, I am gonna say quote unquote failure. Not because failure is bad, not because it's dirty, not because we always need to reframe it a lot. Sometimes that's powerful, but because we need to to normalize it. There are going to be things, and I know for some people that'll bring up anxiety and they're like, no, I don't want to do it if I'm gonna fail. But like there are certain things that that's going to happen. And don't tell yourself that you will fail at it. Don't do that, by the way. That's that's not helpful. Believe in yourself, right? That's the the nuance, that's the contradiction. Believe in yourself, believe that you can do it, but also like be humble enough to know that you are going to fail, you're supposed to fail, you're supposed to have egg on your face, you're supposed to get it wrong. And if you were not willing to be humbled and you are not willing to suck at something, and you are not willing to be really, really, really shit at something, you are cutting yourself off from the most beautiful life for more fulfillment, from and also like better relationships. Like if you can't be humbled enough to kind of go, I got that wrong, you are missing out. Like you have to work on your ego around feeling embarrassed. Like I feel embarrassed, like it comes up for me so often when I don't go for something or I don't want to talk about something and I don't want to share about it, there is this embarrassment, and we need to talk about this a healthy embarrassment as well of like learning from these things, and then there's also a debilitating one that stops people going for things because they're so worried of looking silly, of looking cringe, of people seeing them fail. And one of the things that I have really, really learned to do, and I don't like it, and it sucks, and I have um a big enough ego that it does not like it, and it wants to protect me from looking quote-unquote silly to other people, but I also have enough um I don't know, confidence or sturdiness in me that I'm not only willing to fail, I am willing to fail and have people see it, and they're probably not even paying that much attention, and also sometimes people are, you know, like that we get that saying oh, like people are not even noticing, they're so focused on themselves, they don't care. There's a truth in that, but also I've had people in situations in my life where they have been watching and they've wanted to see me fail, and my ego wants to like prove them wrong. And one of the best things I ever did for myself is like go, let them watch me fail, let them see me fail, like because they'll also see me get back up, and so many people don't do stuff because they're worried of their mother-in-law or or their parent or their colleague or their friend or their neighbours or whatever, going, hmm, knew that wouldn't work out, and they're so frightened of that, of somebody going, see, told you so, that they don't do the things because they're so worried about what it would look, or they go to this other thing of like trying to prove themselves so that that they can finally say to that person, see, I did it. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. That can sometimes help and sometimes can motivate us. And I've definitely utilized that at times, and I've definitely wanted to be a time like fuck you, just watch me, I'm gonna do it, right? But also I've also like I've also had to learn to do both again. The and thing of like that doesn't often serve me. Like one of the best things that I've learned to do is like just sit with the uncomfortable feelings of like, yeah, I failed, and oh fuck, that's embarrassing. And even though it's just my ego, I sit to just my ego, like the primal self, it's hard to just for people to it's it's hard enough on ourselves when we feel like we failed, but it's really hard when other people watch us feel that we'll get off on it. And I've had people like they're not in my life anymore, but there's people who have enjoyed watching me fail, like they've got off on it, and the as I say, one of the best things I ever did was just like I'm not I'm not I'm not trying I'm not trying to hide it. Like I'm not trying to get your rocks off, you know? Like I I I just feel for you, you know? If that's if you get your rocks off to seeing somebody else fall, then get on with it. Be a kinky bitch, you know. Like, I'm kinky too, but my kink is different. Anyway, I'm gonna wrap it up there and just uh embrace failing. Fail splendidly in 2026 or whenever you're listening to this. Like, get to the end of the year like I have in 2025 and been like, man alive, I fucking failed at some shit. But I know where my destination is, like I'm I'm gonna keep working on these things, but also the journey, and I learned some shit, and if you aren't failing, you aren't living, and I know that sounds like a really broad, I don't know, stereotypical thing, but sometimes there is wisdom in those things, and I there's such a truth in me that's like, yeah, if you are not failing, you aren't really living, you aren't really probably living authentically, you aren't really probably being really you're probably not going for anything, and there's nothing wrong with that, there's no shame in that. But I bet there's something that would really serve you to fail a bunch of times at I bet there's something that it would really serve you to be shit at not even so that you can necessarily get good at it, but there's something that you'd learn, there's some experience, and it would the dots would connect later, and it would all make sense if you could just be willing to fail. So I'm gonna end it here. How willing are you to fail? And if you struggle with this, come come hire me. Book a one-to-one alchemy session, get good with being okay with failing and other people seeing it, and family, friends, whoever you're worried about, book a session in with me in 2026 or whatever year you're listening to this. And I will be back next week with another podcast episode. I will speak to you then.