AWAKENING IN THE ALCHEMY BELLY

A broken microphone led to a bigger truth: I’ve been called into the alchemy belly, that messy middle where certainty dissolves and something wiser takes root. I open up about receiving help, resisting hyper‑independence, and trusting a season that looks like stillness from the outside but feels like honest, necessary change from the inside.

Naming what so many feel yet rarely articulate: the split between divine feminine and masculine work when nuance goes missing. I share why I’m building containers that hold both softness and structure, inclusion and sacred exclusivity, personal responsibility and systemic context. I talk about the mental load, weaponised incompetence, and the quiet costs of bypassing. I also explore eroticism and spirituality as partners, not opposites—how integrating desire with consent, boundaries, and shadow work can reduce harm, grow compassion, and turn raw energy into repair.

This is not a neat blueprint; it’s a real‑time movement forming. I reflect on why some teachings erase difference, why others demonise the masculine, and how both miss the deeper medicine. Along the way, we look at power dynamics, anger as fuel rather than poison, and the courage to create spaces that are potent without being careless. If you’ve been sensing a shift—tired of hustle yet hungry for depth, wary of clichés yet willing to do the work— then this is for you.

Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs the language for their own awakening, and leave a review if you enjoyed this episode (it helps this work reach more people). Your ripple matters.

More from me at KirstyDee.com & IG @KirstyDeeShares

Chapters

• 0:00 A Broken Mic And A Bigger Truth
• 2:20 Receiving Help And Feminine–Masculine Dynamics
• 5:25 Naming The Awakening: The Alchemy Belly
• 9:40 Trust And Doubt Existing Together
• 13:40 The Wolf Metaphor And Not Knowing
• 17:20 Woo Wise Woman: Beyond A Book
• 22:20 Winter Energy, Retreat, And Not Self‑Sabotage
• 27:30 Called To Deeper Work: Feminine, Sex, Spirit
• 31:40 Nuance Gaps In Divine Feminine Spaces
• 36:40 Privilege, Inclusion, And Boundaries
• 41:20 Containers, Safety, And Sacred Exclusivity
• 46:20 Weaponised Incompetence And Invisible Labour
• 51:30 Wounded Feminine And Masculine Extremes
• 57:40 Overwhelm, Movement, And Ripple Effects
• 1:02:20 Cruelty, Power, And Discernment
• 1:07:20 Channel Anger Without Feeding It
• 1:11:20 Shadow, Conscious Kink, And Compassion
• 1:16:40 Eroticism, Spirituality, And Harm Reduction

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

This is season five of the Truth and Transformation podcast. This is a podcast all on living a life wildly authentic to you. It's raw, it's real, it's vulnerable, it's explicit, it's unedited. I'm your host, Kirsty D. Let's go. Hey lovelies. So today I am taking a bit of a leap of faith with what I'm talking about today. So to give you context, I was trying to record podcasts yesterday and it it wouldn't work. Like the the microphone was was not connecting, like I just it it just couldn't happen. It was like very frustrating. I cried because you know when it's just one of those days where actually it'd been one of those weeks where like lots of little things happened and during my period and it just got to the point where like you know, it's just that one thing that kind of like pushes you over, and um like I just I just cried now. It's just like why and it's like very first world problems, very like champagne problems, but that that is what happened, that's what happened. Like, let's just keep let's just keep it real here, and um yeah, and then I was just like it is what it is, there's nothing I can do about it, it's not meant to be. And um, Tony came home, sorted it all out so that I could record today, and it was it was something it wasn't, it was just like a silly thing, it was like a a a setting, but you know when you're like just dysregulated and you just can't see it, and um yeah, like Tony just he fixed it, and I just had to be in this like feminine receptivity, and just sometimes we need sometimes we need help, sometimes we need somebody to swoop in, sometimes we need to be that like danzel, and I have resistance to kind of like even saying that because there's such a a connotation to being a danzel, and if you need to pop, but I I actually think sometimes as women we would be much better off if we kind of like leaned into kind of that danzel like kind of energy and um more than this kind of like hyper-independence, not that I was an actual danzel, but you know what I mean? That kind of danzel in distress, but I was in terms of I was distressed and I needed support, and I I did need somebody to kind of come and you know be like, I got this, I got you, all of that, that beautiful kind of feminine, like masculine dynamic that I think we've been taught to see as like weakness or less than and all of that. Anyway, all I have to say, I'm taking a bit of a leaf of faith with today's episode. So that happened yesterday, so this so obviously I'm now recording today, um, which means nothing to you. Like I'm recording this, I don't know, about four or five weeks before before it goes out. Um and if I had recorded yesterday, what I'm talking about today, I wouldn't I wouldn't be talking about. But because of that, and because of situations that have been happening for me, and as I'm recording this, it's still December, I'm still in 2025, and I'm getting to the end of the year, and I'm like reflecting on things, and the things that I've I've been reflecting on and what's going on in my life. I thought, I I just like my intuition is like just talk about this, talk about this thing that's going on in your life, and I don't know why I feel cold to talk about it, but I do, and my ego is just like, is this gonna be valuable? Is this gonna be anything to anyone? So I've kind of got these two kind of like a bit of cognitive dissonance going on in me of like, like, does this gonna make any sense? Is this episode gonna be just all over the place? And then this other part of me is that this like intuition and this kind of like self-trust of like, I feel like this is what this episode is meant to be, and it wouldn't have happened had I been able to record yesterday, and I'm just trusting it, and I'm just going with it, and I just want to talk about something that's going on for me in my life, and a phase of my life that I'm in, because I just think it it might be I don't know, my intuition is just like I feel like this will be really helpful for somebody, and I'm in a phase of my life, and I'm gonna call it I'm in like an awakening in my life, and I like I don't know that doesn't even that feels like the best word, that feels like the best language, that feels like the best label that I can give this season of my life, and I might still be in it when you listen to this episode, or I might be coming to the end of it, or like who knows, I might I might be in it more, like I I don't know, but there's definitely something happening for me. There's definitely a a shift, and I just want to talk about it to give some context for anybody else that might be going through this, and I want to explain exactly what I what I mean by that. I don't mean I'm like in this crisis point in my life, I don't mean I'm in a dark night of the soul or anything like that, because sometimes an awakening can mean that. I am in this stage that if you've done Scorpio Slot, I talk about there's different stages of alchemy, and some stages don't last as long depending on the situation and depending on what you're going through. But there's this stage and I call it, and I've maybe talked about on the podcast as well, I'm not sure if I have, um maybe it's briefly, but I talk about this stage that I call like the alchemy belly, the alchemy portal. I call it various different things depending on you know context and all of that. And I'm in that right now, and what that stage can look like, it looks different for different people, but for me what it's kind of it's kind of looked like this awakening that I'm really, really aware of certain things, certain things that just aren't good for me, that don't serve me, things that need to kind of shift, things that I'm no longer fucking available for, and I have all these like this big sort of thing that's like pulsing through me, and it feels so big, and it it feels quite overwhelming, and there's this weird thing that's happening where there's this real kind of like self-trust and this real um like groundedness, groundedness doesn't seem quite the right word, um but there's something there, there's something there in a way that I've never had it to this level before, and I can't go backwards. Like I um there's this like there's this like this past version of me, and then there's and then there's there's me and these these past versions I've really had to work hard to kind of integrate, and I just can't go back. And the this things that I I've seen now that I can't unsee, and it's left me in this thing of this this weird dynamic of such self-trust and this paradox of like what the fuck, I don't know what I'm doing, this like self-doubt. And it's it's weird when you're like rapping with both. It's like I I trust myself more than ever, and I'm more confident and more anchored in myself than than I ever have been before, and more kind of like just not willing to put up with some of the things that I would have put up in the past, and just this kind of like this fierce kind of I don't know, there's like this like fierceness in me, and then there's also this this part of me that is I don't know the answers and I don't know what I'm doing in this very like humbling kind of thing, and I often call this being in the alchemy belly, and I I explain it like um the way I explained it in Scorpio Slow. If you took took that program, I want to just kind of give you a fresher, and if you haven't took that programme, then you need this context. Is there's a book called Women Who Run With Wolves, and there's a few bits in that book. I've been reading this book for about I don't know, three years, and I still haven't got to the end of it. It's it's it's it's it's it's a I'm not great with like sitting down and reading, and it and it's it's it's a it's a big book, and it's a lot to get your head around, right? Um, but anyway, there's a few bits in this book that really stuck out to me. Um, like a few stories in that book that have been like they they live rent-free in in my brain, and um one of them is and I'm gonna butcher this part of it, but she talks about this that we need to start kind of anticipating the kind of feeling lost, feeling like you don't know where you're going. I kind of like call it like losing, temporally losing your navigation point. Um, and she kind of relates it to like a a wolf, and they haven't figured it out yet, and and they're like sniffing around and like they're jumping up and they're like howling at the moon, and they just don't know yet. They don't know, I don't know where like I guess depending on on the situation, um they don't know the score yet, like they don't know, um I don't know, maybe if the environment's safe yet, like they're sniffing it out and they they haven't worked it out yet, or maybe they're hunting and they they're sniffing it out and they haven't found the destination yet. But there's this there's this thing of like they don't have it figured yet, and that's part of the process. And I think this is part of the human experience where you're not supposed to have all the answers, and it's like, can you be both in like trust and which is really really hard on the human? Um, like, but like this kind of like self-trust of like I don't know what the hell's going on, but like I I there's a there's a trust piece there that this part path that I'm on, there's something there, there's something that I feel called to, and also I don't know what that is, and there's a lot of questioning and there's a lot of doubt, and there's a lot of there's a lot of stuff going on, and that's that's kind of where I'm at in my life. Of like there's things that I I I can't unsee anymore, and there's something really big channeling through me, and I'm like just looking at the corner of my eyes, and I've got this big neon sign, it's not actually on at the moment, it says We Wise Want Men, which is is the book that I've that I've wrote that I've been banging on about for the whole time on this podcast. This like I've been talking about this book, it has been like just a like labour doing this book. It has been a just a well by the time this episode goes out, it'll be like 2026. I keep saying it's like been five years in the making, but I actually had this realisation the other day. I was like, the idea for We Wise Woman came in 2019. When this podcast episode comes out, it will be 2026. Oh my gosh, like we're getting to like seven years. I've been like saying five years, but we're getting on seven years of this book, and I've got this like neon sign that kind of re-reminds me of like the the topic today, because you know, like We Wise Woman is a book. And when I say I'm in this kind of like confused uncertainty, whatever, what I've come to realize is there's something so big channeling through me that it is so much more than a book, it's like a movement, it's like this this whole thing, and I it's so big that I feel like that wolf that I'm like sniffing around and I feel like I'm jumping up like a crazy person, like howling at the moon, and I'm like, universe, like I don't know what you want for me. Like, this is so big. I like I I I just don't know. And then there's also this part of me that really does, and this is real self-trust, and I'm just having to trust this huge fuck off alchemy belly that I'm in, and it's not a it's not a bad alchemy belly as in like dark night of the soul that I'm like really depressed, or all of that. There's been really, there's been hard days, and there's definitely been days where I felt like down and just like oh, you know, like yesterday when I cried, and I was just like, oh, but like kind of just little life and life thing, life's been life on me, kind of things like kind of not not yeah, definitely not a um an awakening that's like a dark night of the soul, thankfully, because if you've ever been in one of those uh situations, I don't want to minimize it, I'm not trying to like glamorize it, which often happens in the kind of spiritual communities. That is really, really, really hard. And actually, I do share my story about that in We Wise Woman. So it's definitely not that, but there's definitely like a darkness as in, you know, if we think about the feminine, we talk about like that cyclical nature, and obviously, like I'm recording this, and it's the winter solace hasn't happened, but it's like fast approaching us. It kind of feels like winter, but it is technically as I'm recording this, still autumn. But it's kind of like this darkness, as in the seasons where I feel honestly quite tired and quite sensitive, and I just want to tell the world just to fuck off in all honesty, and I want to just hop in it under my blanket, but but not because I'm depressed, because something so big is channeling through me, and I just want to be with it, and it to the outside world that's so conditioned of like hustle and do do do. It looks like self-sabotage, but there's this like self-trust in me. It's like, no, no, no, it's not, and this is what we're all we're supposed to do, and as particularly as women, but I would argue the whole collective, like, we're not supposed to be do-do-do-do do. Sometimes we are supposed to be like, I think of the bears, and like they hybrid it down. I mean, obviously, we're not gonna full on hybrid it like a bear, you know, humans are not bears, but there is this thing of like um like retreat, and I just wanna retreat, and and like my conditioning tells me like I'm sabotaging, but my intuition is like this is not this is not sabotaging, this is alchemy, this isn't a working, something big is coming through you. You need to sit still with this whilst you're in this wolf stage, so that you can figure this out and not figuring it out from this like fixing, hustling, trying to make it happen, but the beauty of being with it, the the beauty of the feminine energy of the beingness, and like we live in a world that doesn't this is not really set up for space for for just being, and as I say, I'm recording this, and it's exactly two weeks before Christmas as I'm recording this, and the world wants me to be like rushing around and like doing all this crazy shit for Christmas, and I'm just not into it, and I'm just it just just not my vibe, and uh like not doing it, and I've just been letting myself be just radically supported, and um Tony's like taking care of like because I I don't like this time of year, and I just find it a lot and I find it overwhelming, and there is it's kind of like society puts us into categories of like we're either a Scrooge or we're like these jolly elves who love Christmas, and I'm neither, and I think as humans we wanna feel like we belong, and it makes me feel like a bit uh discombobulated, like I don't belong in December, like I I don't know, sounds like maybe sounds weird, but I'm not like a screw just in I want to destroy Christmas for everybody and be like years are all just I don't know supporting capitalism and like blah blah blah and like no, I I want people to enjoy Christmas and to to have a nice Christmas and to to love it if that's their thing, and I'm like happy for you, but I just don't really get it, you know. When people are like start talking about Christmas in like September and they just love it and they want to watch all the Christmas films and like they want to listen to all the Christmas music and like I just couldn't think of anything worse. I don't want to watch a Christmas film, like I I it's just not fun for me. I just but I'm happy for you so I'm not this like the thing, but I'm also not a Christmas hater, and like I just and I I find December quite sad because I know that over Christmas period like suicide goes up and abuse goes up and I just don't love it, I don't love the pressure it puts on so many people and I also we I'm very blessed and we always end up having a nice Christmas and like I've put so many boundaries in place for that to happen, but I just don't love the month and I don't love the run-up to it, and I just don't get the big deal, and I do think there is a lot of conditioning and like society shit around that, and also I don't want to be a Scrooge for the people that really enjoy it anyway. That's kind of like I've gone off track with with with my point, but all of that has basically accumulated up in me where I'm I'm recording this in December. I don't really feel like I belong in December, but obviously, obviously I do, and um, and what's what that's meant is like lots of things are kind of coming through, and I'm like just questioning everything and like all these different perspectives, and here's what's happening for me. Obviously, there's this book that I've been talking about for frigging ages, and it's not even just the book, it's it's my life, and it It's it's it's my work and there's something so big channeling through and I just don't know what it is, but I also know like pieces. It's like I'm that wolf that I'm sniffing around, like I'm in this kind of awakening, I'm in this kind of alchemy, and I there's just so many answers like that haven't fully landed where I haven't got clarity, and I'm just trusting that I don't need to have all the answers for it to be valuable, and I've not really known what to say, kind of like on my social media, like I've been very kind of quiet on there because I'm in this thing of like this is where I want to go, but I don't know how to get there, and there's this saying that I've been saying for a long time. This quote, you might have heard of it, it's like a it's a it's you know, very like it does the rounds, it's like it's kind of a well-known quote, but it's like um pretty sure it's Steve Jobs. I hope I've got this right, but like you can't connect the dots looking forwards only backwards. I hope I'm crediting the right person for that quote. Um, so I've always known we won't always have the answers, and I'm a real firm believer in what Marie Folio says of like clarity comes from engagement, not thought. So I know for me that whenever I'm in this thing, like the answers won't come just thinking about it. But at the same time, sometimes there is a processing, sometimes there is a just just being with it, and society will tell you that's self-sabotaging. And maybe there are times when you just need to take action, but I know for me that's not the the stage I'm in, and I am taking action. I show up every week, I do this podcast, um, I'm editing books like books, I'm editing a book. Um, but at the point it's like I'm I'm doing actions, but I'm also taking a lot less action, and I'm I'm I'm I'm slowing down and I'm just seeing what comes through. And here's what's happening for me. I really, really, really feel called to talk about things that I talk about on this podcast all the time, but more. I want to go up deeper and I want to become more very um, I guess an expert, maybe it's not the right word, but that's the word that's coming through in these topics. Like I want to go deeper, I want to know more, like I want to be like leading on these things because I think they're so important. I think like, for instance, work around the divine feminine that I want to go into that deeper. I also want to go into deeper stuff around like sex, eroticism, and spirituality and bringing the two together. And here's what's happening for me. It everything in me tells me like I there's something in that work, and like I need to go deeper with it. And I guess I'm sharing this because there might be times in your life, you know, whether it's in business or if you don't have your own business, it may be like in in family life, or it may be in relationships, or it may be at work, that you feel called to something, and you might not know what that calling is, or or maybe you do, but you might not. You might just feel like there needs to be some shifts. Like I'm not happy, like something isn't right, but you don't know how that looks, and and it can go either way, as in you do you do know how it looks, but you don't know how to get there, or you don't know how it looks, but you know something needs to shift. And for me, I know the things that I want to go down, like I I know I want to talk about divine feminine more, I know I want to talk about bridging eroticism and spirituality and bringing them together. And here's where I feel lost, and here's where I feel like I don't know where I'm going. And I thought just talk about this on the podcast and just own it. Like I don't have all the answers, and I do feel like that wolf that's kind of like all over the place, where I just feel like very much like I call it like the messy alchemy portal where it feels it doesn't feel I mean, this is very like when I talk about the feminine as well, like it feels very feminine of that like chaos, and I'm just trying to create this container for the chaos so that it doesn't become self-sabotage. And I guess I wanted to talk about this because I feel like we go through these stages in life, but we don't talk about it. We don't talk about when we're in a stage of like there's like a storm, there's something brewing in us. We talk about the storms that are like when somebody's like really, really depressed and they're really um, I don't know, maybe there's been a trauma or something, but we don't talk about the storm of there's something brewing inside you, there's a change that that is that is happening, and and maybe it's a big change in life. Maybe this is because I'm turning 40 next year, and we kind of joke about like midlife crisis, and I feel like that's a way to kind of minimize a beautiful evolution, but there's this storm that's happening inside me, but it's a a beautiful storm, and I don't want to minimize like it is it's it's hard and it's and it's it's uncomfortable, and I'm feeling irritated, and I'm feeling pissed off about a lot of things, and I and I'm feeling rage and anger about certain things, but then I'm also feeling so blessed and so goddamn fucking lucky and so fucking privileged and like so proud, and suddenly like I'm feeling all of it, and I'm feeling this trust and I'm feeling anxiety, like there's a this big shit happening, and I I don't really know how to explain it. So I thought just just talk about it in however it wants to kind of come through. And here's here's what's happening for me. Like the these topics that I think are so important to talk about, and I think they could be such medicine for the collective, but they're also medicine for me, and that's why I care about them, that's why I want to talk about it. But there's so many distortions in those fields, and there's so much nuance, and I I don't want to cause more harm in those arenas. And I'm I've come to realise that whenever there's a situation where there's power for something to be really, really good for the collective, there there's also power for it to be really problematic, and the more power something has to be really, really, really, really good for us, the more power it also has to do the opposite. So I'm trying to work that out, and I don't know how it looks, and I'll give you some context of like what's coming through for me. So I believe that we really need to reclaim the feminine more. Like, I feel like it's been so suppressed and it's been distorted, like, and I'm still learning things, I'm still a student, I'm I'm still getting getting it like you know, wrong, subjective, but I'm still getting things wrong, and I don't have all the answers. But there is something in this work that has been that I just think is so needed and it's been so powerful, and all of that. And some of the ways that it has been taught, um, and I've like invested like a lot of money on um, you know, like doing different divine feminine kind of programs and like um just really you know, training and like living it and then embodying it and like researching it. And what I'm finding is there's these two extremes, and I'm also finding this in the uh the eroticism and spiritual field, and I'm gonna talk about that, and I I just don't have the answers yet, but I'm like, this matters, and this is where I feel like it's turning into like a movement, and I'm I'm like it just feels right to talk about it, but also feels scary to talk about it. It feels scary to be like, I don't have the answers. Like in a world where you know experts are seen as like the ones that are credible and the ones that we trust in the person who like knows all the sh the shit. I feel like it's hard to just be like, um, I don't have all the answers, but can you still trust me? Like, because you know, um I'm a coach and um my bread and butter is on people hiring me and wanting to work with me, and um it just feels very vulnerable to be like, yeah, I I haven't got this all figured out, and I'm in a stage in my life now where I'm just like I don't know what I'm doing, and I also do, and it's not one or the other, and it feels very vulnerable. And here's what's coming through for me. I really believe, as I say, we need to do some some stuff around the divine feminine and the divine masculine, like if one's out of balance, the other one for certain, for sure is out of balance, and I'm seeing these two extremes. So, as I say, I've been in these like containers and doing divine feminine work, right? And I'm seeing these like real kind of extremes, and there's nothing sort of in the middle, and I'm sure there is something in the middle, but I haven't found it, and whenever I can't find something, I'm always like, because you're supposed to correct it. Like, I really believe that if there's something that you really think matters and needs to be out in the world, maybe you're the one to like to berth it. Um, maybe like that it's probably coming through you, it's probably channeling through you for a reason, and that's where I kind of feel at right now. And what I'm seeing is sometimes in the divine feminine space, there's not um an acknowledgement of somebody's like privilege, and like yeah, and and like they're not even aware of it, and if you say something, you're almost kind of like seen as in this kind of I don't know, victim-y kind of mindset. It's kind of like this weird gaslighting seems like too much for a strong word, but there's this kind of like weird undertone of like you're the problem, it's your fault, rather than acknowledge like systemic shit. And I want to just like preference like like I get this wrong all the time, so there's like kind of that, and then there's this other extreme where I see people they they hate any kind of turn the round feminine because they find that you know we should have something like that is not so associated with gender. And when I talk about divine feminine, I'm not talking about this gender thing, I'm talking about like regardless of of your gender and how you identify, we all have it within us. And they almost see it as like we're going, we're setting things backwards, and I'm just like, no no no, like that is just more of the same shit that if you like, I just think there's so much like you know, like misogyny and like so much goes on there, and and there isn't also aspect of it where yes, the feminine energy it applies to just anybody, but then there's also the acknowledgement of like I myself am a woman, and if if I don't acknowledge that, then I hurt myself. Like that the fact that like I started off this podcast telling you like I'm during my period and like I ended up in tears and I was feeling like my husband doesn't have that experience, and I I think like there's we need to claim that. Like we can be inclusive and we can be, you know, like all of that, but like inclusive doesn't mean like the the stereotypical feminine things like gets abandoned and that it's bad to be stereotypical like feminine, like that's just more of the same shit. And also, I I don't think you need to be the stereotypical thing for you to be in your feminine, but it's not one or the other, it's an it's an and conversation, and I've been seeing these posts like oh, you know, the feminine isn't pretty dresses and it isn't softness and it isn't this, and it's like, but sometimes it is, and like why has that been seen as less than? And and I just feel like for somebody like myself who likes stereotypical feminine stuff and does bleed every fucking month and does go about things completely different to my husband. Like, if I don't acknowledge that, I hurt me, and we hurt a lot of women, and also you might not identify, you know, with the gender kind of binaries that society has has has given. And I just think like we need that too. I feel like we need all of it, and for me, I feel like there is so much like looking down on what we often see as stereotypically feminine, and for me, I just feel in this thing of like, why are we looking down on that? And yes, the feminine is so much more than you know, quote unquote, like what is deemed as pretty, but it's like I like that fucking stuff too. And and I do fucking bleed every month, and I'm in a real fucking weird place with my cycle that I keep bleeding in between my periods, so there's definitely stuff going on there, and things are shifting, and my cycle is shifting, and like all of that, and um had appointments with doctors and stuff this this year, and like my hormones are like hormoning, there is shit going on, so I I need to acknowledge those things, you know. From the what's seen as like superficial of that I like stereotypical girly shit, like I do, and some people don't, and that's also beautiful, but I do, and then there's also like literal like biology stuff where I am different, like duh, to her my husband, and that all needs to be we need to be talking about that, and and then what I'm seeing is sometimes in the divine feminine space is it's just like it's very black and white, and it's like women are um they're they're more this and they're more that, and I'm like, yeah, there's some truth in that, but they're also not acknowledging like systemic stuff, and for me, none of this is about like rigid gender stuff because I definitely don't have that in in my marriage. There are some things that I am very stereotypically feminine in, but there's some things that the stereotypical what the feminine is, like I am the complete opposite, and but there's there are there are differences between the feminine and the masculine, and I I think it's really important that we use the language, feminine and masculine, even though some people don't like it because to me when you stop using them as language, it's like saying there's something bad and there's something wrong with it, and like how is that good? Like for me, it can be like the the there's an and conversation of I don't know, like we're in this kind of um Aquarious kind of dynamic where we are going to see more AI and we're going to see um more people kind of identifying in different ways. And I I actually think we need that. I think we need that diversity. I like I just think we need that. We need people who are like stereotypically feminine, people who are stereotypically masculine, and then people who just don't they're like I'm neither, and people who identify completely different, and like we need people to identify as trans, and we need people to be like, I'm a woman and I I love being a woman, and we we just fucking need it all. Like, I just think if you look around in nature, nature thrives from diversity, like the trees are all different, and the bushes are all different, and the flowers are all different, and the animals are all different. We need diversity and we need to like move with that, and we need to move with those times, and also there are certain things that if we try to to get rid of in this thing of like trying to make everything inclusive, it's not inclusive at all. Like, that's the nuance, that's the the irony. Like, I often run and I haven't run many this year, but like most of my events and stuff are just exclusive to women, like it's not inclusive. I did do an event this year that was for anybody, no matter how you identified, it was it was for anybody, but generally my stuff is like aimed at people who identify as a woman, and so it's not it's it's not for everyone, and if it was, it wouldn't be the sacred container that it is because the conversations and the things that happen are different, and we just need to stop having to justify that. And there was a post this year that wasn't one of my posts, it was um somebody local, and they'd done a post and they used very feminine language, and like there was some backlash, and it was like, oh, so I you know, I'm I'm not welcome here, sort of thing. And I just thought, and and I saw another post recently, and I was like, gosh, that hits it right on the head, where they basically said, like, now we're kind of weaponizing, like, we expect everything to be for us and everything to be for everyone, and everything to be inclusive of us. And that's really problematic because when you do that, you you dilute the medicine in those spaces and in those containers. And I'm not saying we don't need to be more inclusive at times. Like I've I've just said, like, we need diversity. Yes, we do. We need to be more loving and we need to be more kind to the fact that you know, like we're all. Different, and that's the beauty. Like, we're not supposed to be the same, but it's an and thing. We need we need both, we need it all, and I just think society hasn't caught up to that. It's like me versus them, and if you're if you're not for me, you're against me. And like I think about in my spaces, like one of the events that I did this year um was called We Wise Womanhood, and I'm gonna bring it back in in 2026, and it was like for for women to integrate what I call the sacred slot and the witch and the audacious bitch, because these are parts of the feminine that we've we've been taught about, and like it's really hurt us. Like, my fucking husband cannot relate to that, like he just can't. But he has his flavor of how society has harmed him. And if I try to make it for him, I dilute the container for the women that are there. And so here's where I'm at. I'm doing this work, and I have been in spaces where they're talking about the divine feminine, and they're like, it's almost this kind of like blaming of women for the situation they're in, and this, as I said, gaslighting feels too much of a strong word because it doesn't feel like this is done purposely or maliciously. Um and to me, gaslighting is when somebody knows they're doing this to you, so that doesn't feel like the correct language, but there's a denial, this kind of ignorance where I'm seeing this sometimes in the divine feminine space of like a lack of knowledge for weaponizing competence, for um the mental load that's been put on a sort of women disproportionately, and like real sort of issues, like systemic issues that sometimes like I've done these courses and they're like they just don't fit the average person who is you know not fucking loaded, who doesn't have a nanny and doesn't have a cleaner, and if you've got those things, this is like I think that's beautiful. I think that's absolutely beautiful. That it's not a judgment on you. Like, I think actually we need to get it's a space where we can all thrive and kind of be in that sort of position, but it's like it is not the same as as somebody who is trying to juggle all of the things and is in a situation where her husband cannot see the mental load she's carrying. And I've seen spaces where like you just need to appreciate the masculine moan, you just need to do this and do that, and I'm just like there is some context here where what you are teaching is absolutely fucking problematic, and also I see this other side of it where it's like um where it's kind of become acceptable to just be shitting on men and for things that are not their fault, um, because it's not their fault that they got a different wiring, and and I there there is something where I just know from everything that I've learned from doing this work, there are differences between how men think and how women think. And I know this is like generalized, but there's definitely something in that. And I sometimes see sometimes in the other extreme of there's no evidence to spot that. There's not there's nothing to kind of back that up, and it's kind of like they're not acknowledging that there is a there's a is there is a feminine and masculine and that we need both. And there's been this there's there's just nothing that I found that brings together like systemic issues that I don't pretend to to fully even know myself, but I can see there is something happening in the collective where we are both shitting on the feminine, but we're also now shitting on the masculine, and I just but then I also don't want to deny there are real wounded toxic parts to both the feminine and masculine, and to me the answer isn't to get rid of the language of feminine and masculine, like that doesn't help, it doesn't help, and I'm basically in the situation, I'm like this is a lot, and it matters, and I feel like this is what We Wise Woman has become about, but I didn't fucking know that this is what Women Wise Woman was gonna become about, and I I feel overwhelmed by it, like there's something channeling through me that I'm like, we need to be talking about weaponized incompetence, we need to be talking about invisible labor, we need to be talking about women who are stuck financially, like there are so many things, and we need to be talking about how because there's wounded feminine and masculine dynamics, we are now seeing extremes of both of them in not very good ways. Like we are we live in a collective of the wounded feminine and the wounded masculine, like that is the norm, and it is nobody's fault. It is that is survival mode, that is that is a collective with trauma. Nobody wants to be in wounded feminine, nobody wants to be in wounded masculine, and these two are a match for each other. And so often when I'm in those spaces, what is happening is it's one or the other. I'm either finding there's just like a nodded and acknowledgement, and there's very like bypassing of some of those issues, and just this kind of it just there's like they just don't see it, and or there's this other thing of this real blaming the masculine for everything, and then also this other side where it's like we're blaming the feminine for everything, like we know women get blamed for just things that are fucking not their fault that are down to men, and this like victim blaming, like I'm seeing it all, and I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is a lot, and I just know I need to somehow make a difference on this, and it's so big that I just feel like oh my gosh, universe, you like I this is like a lifetime and beyond of work, and I am one person, and I as I said I feel like that wolf that is like I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know where to begin, and when I started this journey, I just didn't know I was gonna be talking about invisible labor and weaponizing confidence because like I it was invisible to me too. Like, so I couldn't have talked about it. Like when I started writing Wu Wise Woman in 2019, I couldn't have talked about these things. I wasn't I wasn't even aware of them. So when I say awakening, that's what's happened. Like I am so aware of them now, like I can't unsee it, and it's so big, and I do not feel qualified to to talk about it. Like I I but I also know that is also conditioning, that I also know that I have a voice that can can make a difference and that I need to use it, and that society has taught me that I'm not qualified enough, and that who am I to do this, and I need to override that and I need to be willing to get it wrong and to piss some people off and all of that, and you know what I said about like not feeling like I belong, like this is not even just not feeling like I belong in December, and as I say, of course that I do, but like I I'm just not finding people that get what I am talking about, but then it makes sense because I am like that wolf that like I don't even have a clear message right now, like I don't even fully know where I'm going, and I also do. I am going down this lane where I'm like, let's talk about the divine feminine, let's do deep divine feminine work, but let's do divine feminine work that addresses systemic issues. But I'm I don't have the answer of how that looks right now. I do know that I want to do a um bring out a relationship course, I want to bring out a course, um, and it's really about you like stepping into that and stepping into that kind of like queen sort of energy, um, and and all of that, but it's like it's so big that I just it's it's not ready yet. It's it's it's not ready. And um, you know, like I brought out Scorbius Lut. That was the only program that I brought out in 2025, and I I still want to add add to that, like that that's just like a starter. Like it's like I've started these things, like I've you know, like I had the program Alchemy Academy that I did in 2024 that I want to re like add modules to, and it's like I've started all these things, and the alchemy is like it is happening, and I've created so much alchemy in my life, but this alchemy, I don't feel like I can complete this alchemy in my lifetime. Like, I there's a there's a a realistic part of me, and I I hate the saying realistic, but there is this realistic part of me like I'm nearly 40. If I'm blessed enough to live another 40, 50, 60 plus years, like that still doesn't feel enough time to, and because I'm one person, to kind of put all the shit, you know, in to harmony with with all this shit, with like feminine and masculine and all this trauma. But I'm like, but imagine if everybody has that attitude and nothing shifts. So it's it's not that I'm like none of us are here to put everything right, to take on everything, but I think we're all here to make um a ripple in the ocean. And it's like, what ripple do I want to put in the world? And that's where I'm at right now of like with this podcast and with everything that I'm doing, if some people can just listen to it and kind of also have an awakening and also become aware of like, yeah, that needs addressing, that's gonna like ripple out to their family and their friends, and for generations, and that's how we create the shift, and that's what gets me like up every day and like doing this work and doing the podcast and doing it in in my own life, and it just overwhelming is the only word that I can give you. It is is is all it's just overwhelming because I just don't even know how to start like going about this. Like I just and I guess I'm I'm already I'm I'm doing it. Like I'm doing it by having this conversation with you. And I guess I I just want to say that if you're listening to this, like I guess I just want to ask, like, be on this journey with me, like help me figure this out. Like, even if it's just by you listening every week, like that is creating a shift where we're having these conversations. And and I just feel like I guess I'm just asking you to be in this with me. Like, can we belong with each other? Like, even if we don't know each other, like, can we all be putting those like pebbles out there so that this can be better for the next generations? Because I don't know about you, but I'm just sick of seeing just so much trauma and so much violence and so much like hurting each other. And I I just have to believe in, I guess, a more utopia like world. Like, I I just can't accept that this is just how it how it's gotta be. Like, I'm like, no, yes, there's no avoiding in the human experience, like there's gonna be heartache and there's gonna be things that happen, but some of the suffering that is happening, like, doesn't need to be happening. And some of the the struggles, you know, when people can't afford to, you know, like buy basic things or not even basic things. Like, I feel like everyone should be able to have a fucking holiday, and and so many people can't, and then you've got violence and then you've got unthinkable things just happening in the world, and it even just me saying unthinkable is like is privilege because like we have the privilege of being like, I don't want to think about that, you know, and it's like I just I just care and I just there's something in me like we just need to be fucking kinder to each other, and I just and I've also accepted here's one of the big awakenings that I've had. I used to do this thing, I'm like, I don't get it, like I don't get why people are so mean to each other, and I'm not like innocent and not perfect, like I have definitely hurt people and definitely been a bitch at times, and you know it's subjective what that is, and that's why it's so about like reclaiming the word bitch and audacious bitch, but you know what I mean. Like I haven't always been quote unquote my best self, and I'm still not always quote unquote my best self and all of that, but something that I never got, and I finally got it this year, but in a kind of harrowing way, and not that anything particularly bad per se happened, actually didn't bad per se happened. I'll I'll explain what happened. Um but I used to really struggle and be like, I don't get why are people so mean and so cruel to each other? I don't get it, and I remember struggling with that from as young as I can remember, was one of the reasons I struggled with school. Like I would see bullying and I would just and people would laugh and I would be like, I don't get it. I don't get what you mean. Like that doesn't, I don't get it. And only and I think sometimes because we're not supposed to get certain things, and at 39, through doing like shadow work and work in the eroticism and like conscious kink and stuff, I now get it to the best that I can get it. Like I'm never gonna fully get it because I'm just I'm like I don't understand how you can think like hurting other people is is like a is a good thing. Like I just believe that if you hurt somebody else, you also hurt you and you hurt the collective. Like, this just to me it's like lose lose. But I finally got it to the best that I can get it in terms of an acceptance. And what I mean by this, I don't mean as an acceptance that I'm okay, that people just hurt people and all of that. No, I'm definitely not, and really wanna in in the ways that feel aligned for me being activist against things that I think is really important, but it as I say, in a way that feels aligned for me, like I don't feel called to go out and do some of the stereotypical activism things, and that's not me saying, like you know, because a lot of people be like, well, well, that's privilege to not get involved. It is, you're right, but I also just don't think that's of greater service. Like, I feel like what's of greater service is doing the thing that you feel called to do that makes a difference because that's the only thing that's sustainable. And if it's not sustainable, nothing shifts. And to work with your gifts and your strengths, and to me, I feel like my gifts is doing things like what I'm doing right now. I feel like that's the best way I can do my activism. And what what happened this year is there was a is there was a tipping point where I've talked about it a lot, where like I was really hurt and I was really pissed about a situation. And it wasn't just that, there was accumulation of things. And obviously, we've seen more and more over the last few years of because of social media, just just violence and all of these things, and it just being in this thing of like I I just don't get that people can just brutally hurt people and like all of that, and and I still I still never fully get that, like how you can just hurt somebody like that. Like, I I like I'm never gonna fully get that. And I was watching a program this year. Um, I say this year, this was gone out in 2026. So in 2025, I watched a program, it was just on channel 5, and can't remember what the program was called, only watched the first episode, and it just was just wasn't my thing, so I won't be watching anymore. Can't even remember what it's called, but it was like a detective-y thing, and there's this scene in it, and basically this man in this um in this you know series, um, he'd like murdered people, and this person had gone to ask them why, because one of the people was one of her loved ones, and it basically turns out he hadn't actually so he had killed people, but he hadn't actually killed her family member. But he was basically taking the the rap for it because he was going down anyway, and obviously there's more to the story than that, but basically, she didn't know this at the time, and he was getting off on her suffering, and and although this isn't like this was obviously uh it wasn't based on like a true life thing, so although this wasn't like a real story, it hit me in this moment as I'm watching it, because the person that was there, um, and she was I'm I'm explaining this terribly, I'm butchering this, but basically, she was like begging him to tell her why he'd done it, not realizing. That he hadn't done it at this point. And he was getting off on her sort of begging. And this woman said, She was like, Don't do that. That's what he wants. He wants you to beg. He wants you to. And it and it hit me in that moment. And I was like, oh. Like, this is a power dynamic where some people get their rocks off by seeing other people suffer because it's like a power thing. Because they are so fucking small inside that the only way they can feel powerful is seeing somebody be weak and seeing somebody beg and seeing somebody hurt.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:50

And I was like, that's it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:56

And whilst I don't get it, like I I don't get pleasure, like I from seeing people suffer. Like I I don't. I I I'm like, we need to do something about this, you know. But I had this acceptance of some people do. As fucked up as that is, some people do. And I don't mean acceptance as I'm okay okay with that. Like, I'm like, no, we need to protect people from people like that. But it's like a harrowing thing of like accepting, but there are people like that in the world. And this is when I talk about like when we need to talk about systemic issues, we do need to acknowledge that there are people like that. And I like to think it's the minority, but because those people really, really hurt people, obviously, our nervous system and our primal self is for like it's gonna be hyper-focused on that for our survival because that's what's gonna keep us alive by being aware of that. And I just find it accepted that I I think so often I've been in this kind of I don't like the term sort of victim mentality because I think that uh terminology has problems in itself where it's like somebody's been hurt and then they speak out about it, and it's like, oh, you're being victim, you're being like victim mentality. As if like they're the problem. So I don't like that saying. Um, I think it's I think it's problematic, but also we need language, and it's the best that I can come over right now. But I was in this kind of like victim kind of mentality of like, why are people mean and why can't people just be nicer? And that wasn't helping and that wasn't serving me, and actually coming to this place of this acceptance of some people are just fucking mean. Some people get off on that, some people are not nice people, and like this fierce, I'm gonna call it feminine like discernment of like some people are motherfuckers, and and like my feminine anger and like rage is like kind of coming up, and also in this this episode, I feel like I was meant to watch this episode because I won't be watching anymore because this one thing, but it was so many messages of this woman, she was like, They don't get my hate and they don't get my anger, and and I really got something from that of like it's both. Like, I think the hate and the anger comes up because it serves us when we channel it. And I've done I did an episode on I think I can't remember what it's called, like rage to gold, rage alchemy, or something. And I talk about that like channeling the chaos, but there was some truth in what she said of like this, this, these people don't deserve my anger, and they don't deserve my hate because that's a lot of energy that I'm giving them. But also, there are times when we do need to be angry, like we don't want to be apathetic and and dissociated and kind of because then these things keep happening and people keep getting hurt and systemic issues keep happening. So it was like, what if I channel it all up so that I like I'm addressing things that I think that matters and I'm like focusing on what is my focal focal point, like what do I want to see in the world? And for me, it's not about you know, like fighting all the bad guys because that is that is not actually like you're not gonna win that. You're not gonna win that because it's it's just more fighting, it's more, it's more chaos. You have to go beyond that of like, yes, we have to deal with those those things, and we have to not deny that they need addressing when you've got fucking people like that, but it's also like going beyond that. And for me, it's like I want to create a more loving world, I want to create a more kinder world, I want us to be better to each other. So that's my focal point. Okay, so how does that look? And this is where it comes to the work that I do. It's like for me, it's like we have to do um, we have to do shadow work, and we have to do divine work, and we have to do masculine work, and we have to see the woundings there. Um, like, and I tell you where this comes about, and this feels maybe random and not connected, but it's so connected, and I'm gonna just try and like wrap this up here and explain how it's connected, right? It was through learning about power dynamics and conscious kink that I learned things about myself that have positively made my life better, but also revealed shadows in myself that has made me um a more kind and more loving person, but also more fierce, more able to stand up for myself, more able to like call shit out, but also more able to have this sturdiness and this acceptance that there is people like that without crumbling, like oh, every like people are so mean, and this like helplessness, like I'm not like helpless, I'm like, let's go. Like, there's this like warrior in me because when I'm in that of like, oh, oh, people are so mean, like I'm I'm in that, I don't know, danzel maiden, which there is a there are times to that, and there's a beautiful aspect to that that we don't talk about, but any of these things that we live in are problematic, and any of these things that we fully abandon are problematic. Like, if I abandoned the part of me that's sometimes a maiden, that's sometimes a damsel, like this podcast episode that I'm doing right now wouldn't be happening because I wouldn't allow myself to be supported, and I wouldn't be able to have fun and pleasure and stuff in my life if I never dropped into maiden energy of like playful and carefree and and and soft. But then there's this other part of me that is definitely not fucking carefree, and it's like this is not okay, and it's like bothered by stuff, and we need it all. And when I started um doing conscious king practice, and this is definitely not definitely not for everyone, right? But the reason I'm bringing this up is because as I say, it made me more understanding, it made me more compassionate, it made me more loving. And now I've talked about these things in Woo Wise Woman, and all I keep thinking is that made me less judgmental, and there's this there's a space for judgment, and and I feel like this episode's all over the place, but it's it's got a point, and I'm like, and I'm and I'm and I'm getting to it, and I'm hoping there's been many points that you can take from this episode. But there were things that I really judged in myself, and I really judged in other people, and I really, really pathologized, and then I had this really humbling awakening, and that's why I did self and sex temper, where I realized I liked certain things that society really shunned, and and when I was able to consciously explore those things, it meant and shadow is subjective, my shadow got integrated so that I could become quote unquote a much better version of myself, and and what I see is we are basically shitting often on anything that's seen as taboo, forbidden, erotic. And to me, what happens when you do that, you get more sexual violence, you get more violence in general. Like suppressing any of those things, we we all will suffer. And when I think about even though this this isn't like a real person, this was an actor in this scene, and it's not to justify it, it's not to justify it at all. But I sometimes think some of the people in the world that are doing just awful, awful things. If we'd got to like the root of things and we had and like we'd looked at the system at whole and we and we had containers um that were really potent in them in their medicine. And when they're potent in the medicine, they also have the potential to be very, very dangerous. And that's that's and that's what we're seeing. We're seeing containers that are really dangerous and really, really violent because we don't also have the containers where people can integrate things like you know, like I mean, I just made a start on this with We Wise Womanhood, like what I call the sacred slot of like their ability like to own their sexual side or their um like their receptivity. And I'm like, we need these containers also for men, because if that masculine doesn't have that container to be their primal, their their dark masculine, like all of those things, it's gonna come out in really shadowy ways. And what I'm seeing in the collective is as I say, like we're shitting on men's kind of primal side, they're their shadowy sides, and we're all losing, and we're shitting on women's shadowy sides, and we're all losing. Um well, you must have manifested this, you must have attracted this, and it's like, no no no, this is a systemic thing, like this isn't uh you did this, this is a a systemic issue. So we've got the spiritual community that bypasses it, and then we've got other communities that are just like more division, more separation, and then we've got other communities that are very much pro-eroticism, which I'm here for, but they also don't have things in place to stop harm being caused, and I I guess you can never fully guarantee that. And I'm just not seeing emergence of worlds where we can bring together eroticism and spirituality, because to me, we need spirituality, we need to see things from what some people would see as bypassing, like a higher, a higher perspective. Because I think when we don't, we fall into that feeling like helpless, feeling like despair, feeling like what I do won't make a difference, feeling falling into like what I've said about feeling overwhelmed and then just doing nothing rather than putting your pebble out there and realizing that what you fucking do makes a difference, like who you be, how you how you speak to people, you know, whether it's your kids, whether it's your partner, whether it's that person that you're buying groceries from, like it makes a difference. And like it matters. And I just really believe like how we treat people matters, and you have the potential to just create so much shifts in the world that you probably it's not it probably you probably won't even see it and it won't even be acknowledged. But I just really believe that, and I talk about this in We Wise Woman The Book actually, that years after you're no longer here, like hundreds of years after, you know, people might not remember your name or anything like that unless you're famous, but like your imprint will still be be felt, and it can be felt in like um a really positive way that the those generations won't even be where it was you, but it's like our it's only our ego that needs to be acknowledged for that, and that's that's fine, let's integrate our ego that wants the acknowledgement, or you can have an imprint that negatively impacts people, and you're not gonna always get this right, but I do think looking at both our intention and also our impact and how our behaviors impact others, and being brave enough to to have an impact, even when it's gonna not everyone's gonna like it and it's gonna ruffle some feathers, and that's what I've spent 2025 doing being brave enough to have an impact, to put things out there, and it pissed some people off, and it ruffled feathers, and I got projected on and I went into this um sort of like wounded feeling sorry for myself, like why are they so mean? And like I really struggled with it. Some people are gonna be mean to you, Kirsty. Because it's a systemic thing where we are often like there's a systemic thing where you know, like if you are a woman that are speaking out on certain things like sex, eroticism, shadow work, or even just feminine, there are gonna be some people who shit on that because they believe, I don't know, you're a sinner, or they believe you're taking them backwards, or you're they believe you're not being inclusive enough, or whatever, or you're making them uncomfortable and being like, Yeah, that's gonna happen to you, Kirsty. That's gonna happen to you. And I wouldn't have said that before because in the spirituality field, it's like, oh, if you say that, you're manifesting it. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm not manifesting this. This is a systemic thing, and if I can not be blind to that, I can just be a bit more discerning. Of like, no, no, let's stop bypassing over this with like a spiritual jargon of like you just manifest. I believe in manifestation, I speak about manifestation, I talk about manifestation and like how to manifest things. And also, a lot of the shit that happens in this world is not because you manifest it, it's because it's a systemic fucking shit. And and and there's an and we do also need to understand the power of manifestation and alchemy and have this how perspective so that you don't feel helpless, so that you can actually make a difference and realize you can create alchemy and you can manifest things, and you can make a difference not only in your personal life but collectively. So I have no idea what this episode title is gonna be called, but I just felt called to do this episode. That I just I just hope that you wanna be part of whatever this thing is right now that I'm creating. I don't even know what it is. I don't have the answers, but I do know I want to do stuff around divine feminine, divine masculine that addresses systemic things and also builds the spiritual kind of lens to it. And I want to do something around eroticism and spirituality and bring them two together, and that is a very difficult thing because it has the potential to just be so powerful and so healing, and I've experienced that myself. But I know whenever you're going to those um difficult, highly charged conversations, so whether it's around feminine and masculine things with all the trauma, or whether you're talking about eroticism and sex, they're so highly charged and so loaded that a lot can go wrong, let's be honest, but I think not going there because you're afraid to get it wrong, and there's a privilege in that as well. Um so I guess I'm just asking, whilst I'm working this out, and I'm never gonna have all the answers, and I'm never always gonna get it right, like I'm I'm just like I'm gonna be imperfect at this, and I'm gonna screw it up at times. And I just I guess if you're listening to this, I'm like, will you come on that ride with me? Like, this is gonna be messy, I'm not always gonna get it right. Not everything that I speak about is gonna be a perfect fit for you. But if you feel that there's something in this that matters, that's important, that with there does need to be this feminine reclamation, and there does need to be this masculine like integration, and there does need to be this integration of eroticism and shadow work and spirituality. If keep tuning in, keep being on this with me, and maybe you're in this awakening to maybe it's something else for you, maybe you're having realizations in your life. Let's just be on this messy wild journey together. I don't know how to end this, I don't know how to wrap this up. So I'm just gonna I'm just gonna say bye here, and I hope you have the most wonderful day or evening, depending on when you're listening to this, and I will chat to you next week.